How Can I be in Shock?

Kenzie56

Took DH to his doctor today.  Yesterday he had a seizure and for the past month he has been totally incontinent, only saying around 5 words per day, napping often, unsteady on his feet,  shakes on the right side, and not too interested in eating.  Today, his doctor recommended I contact hospice. I knew this was coming...but when you hear the words, it is a real gut-punch.  I've been sitting at my computer for an hour in a daze.  I can't seem to move forward. He has declined so much since January that last month, I pre-paid for his funeral arrangements and made all those decisions - telling myself it was to prepare for what is coming "down the road".  Down the road seems to be closer and I feel like I am in a state of shock.  How can I be in shock when I have been living this nightmare day in and day out for the past 7-8 years? Did I tuck this so far down in my soul for survival, that it is just now rearing its ugly head? Well, I thought if I could share with the best support group ever...maybe I can move forward with my next steps, for DH's sake.

Twin Mom

Kenzie, it is all so very hard.  I am sorry...just hoping you can continue to pull your inner strength together to get through whatever is coming your way.

Joydean

Kenzie sending prayers for you! Nothing about this horrible disease is ever easy. We think we have been preparing ourselves for what we know is coming but we never can in reality. Hugs! 

Ed1937

Kenzie, I'm sorry. It is just so, so hard.

ghphotog

I think you expressed it very accurately. You've tucked it it away because we/you are so busy living moment to moment, day to day so when that day finally comes we really aren't ready for it.

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mrahope

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.  It must feel like the bottom has dropped out of your life.

I have no words of wisdom, other than to say that when my mom passed, hospice was always there to help us as well as Mom, and I hope they can do things to help you find peace.

M1

Sending you cybersupport.  We're never ready.  I'm so sorry.

Elshack

I can identify with your feelings. My DH is in memory care and now on hospice but I have found if I think of hospice as being 100 % helpful rather than thinking of it as a precursor of death, that has sustained me. They have been a wonderful addition to his care and you will have a nurse, social worker, chaplain visiting and helping you navigate these troubling and debillitating waters. I too had made funeral arrangements last Nov. He has been in memory care since Aug 2022.

I am sending you supportive (((hugs ))). 

Kenzie56

Thank you for the support, warmth, cyberhugs and kind words. It did help bring my emotions back under control. I didn't make any calls yesterday...but today is a new day and I will push forward. Thank you, my friends.

Denise1847

Kenzie,

I am so very sorry.   I am sure you have developed certain strategies that have gotten you through those tough days you have dealt with.   Think about what they are.  Such as my simple thing is "one day at a time" or even minute at a time.  Putting one foot in front of the other or one action you need to take.   At this point, your spouse may not be suffering but you are and you need to please take care of yourself and you will get through this just as you have all these years.  You are amazing and strong and you will get through this.  Prayers and hugs to you Kenzie.

Lgw

Hospice is amazing.  They help take the stress away.  It is nice to lean on them and their support.  My prayers are  with you.

Sligo177

Kenzie, I know, it is so hard to hear and to fathom, and I'm sorry.  If you can, lean on Hospice, the doctors, your family, anyone who can help you.  Thinking of you.