Residential home MC vs Large facility MC

ghphotog

I'm taking care of both my mother and my DW. My DW is deep into Alz and my mother is showing some memory issues as well. 
My mother is living with me so it is very challenging dynamic taking care of both.
I'm going to have to move my mother but the last AL facility she was in noticed an increase in her confusion and will not accept her back into the "independent" side and recommends memory care.
A lady is coming Wed to evaluate my mother for dementia and to recommend some places that might fit her budget. It will most likely be some type of residential MC home. I'm sure my mom won't go for that.
My question, does anyone have experience with a home type MC setting?

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M1

Another aspect I did not consider initially but is playing into my intent to change facilities now:  smaller places may not be suited for someone who is claustrophobic (like my partner).  Variety of activities offered may also matter.  My partner was never a bingo player and still isn't, is not very happy with very few activities offered that she would like and is isolating in her room more and more.  Staff are not making attempts to draw her out.  Because she's ambulatory and independent in ADL's, she is at high risk of getting ignored.  At the same time, very difficult for me to visit because she's all over me about wanting out of there.  Rock and a hard place.

Marta

My family runs an Adult Family Home. What questions do you have?

ghphotog

Do the residents feel trapped and smothered in a group home environment? I can't see my mom getting along well living in a small place with a bunch of strangers . Concerned she will feel abandoned, even more stressed and fall into a depression. A large place makes her feel institutionalized and alone. No win situation. Smaller group homes can be cheaper for her. She needs memory care and a lot of supervision but she still knows what's going on and where I'm putting her. Iate the prices ala cart for each level of service in a group home as they are in large facilities?

Just weighing both options?

CanyonGal

We have Beehive homes in our area. I liked the concept but they did not have their patio area fenced in and at her level of dementia, I was concerned about her wandering off, especially into traffic. (BeeHive Homes - Assisted Living|Memory Loss Care) It was a neat concept, and I think she would have liked it over the larger AL complex. They were building a new MC home next door, as they could see the need.

We ended up having to move her to the MC unit in her current AL complex. The wandering at night and refusal to go to the dining room or eat in her room were our main triggers to the move. She dislikes it in MC, and I understand, but she can't handle AL. I feel like I let her down because I cannot give her what she wants, but I know I am not a fault due to her disease and other health issues.

Marta

In our home there are three levels of care.  At each level of care, there is an all-inclusive price, even including incontinence supplies, toiletries, Ensure/Boost, etc.

Whether your Mom would feel claustrophobic may depend on the design of the home. Ours is open concept with the kitchen, dining room, and living area all connected, with large windows and high ceilings.  YMMV.

ghphotog

M1, completely understand. Sounds very similar to my situation.  Had my mom in AL before and she would always talk about how she doesn't like it, didn't like the food, said the people didn't like her it was going to grab a bag of chips, her little dog and walk to Texas. We are in New Mexico. Would be there every day to check on her but no matter how long I stayed it was always a guilt trip for not staying longer. . .

Anonymousjpl123

Ghphotog I think you are right about the visits/guilt trips being rock and a hard place. Re: large versus small, does she prefer to have some privacy, or is she comfortable being in community? My mom can be difficult, so it’s important she have more than a few people since she can unintentionally get into tiffs. She also still enjoys watching tv and reading, so having space to be private is important too. I think a smaller group setting seems like more pressure socially, but I could be completely wrong.

JJAz

First of all, I am so sorry that you're caring for your Mother and Wife at the same time.  I know how hard this is because I cared for my Father and Husband at the same time, even though they were 30 years apart in age.  I have experience with a larger assisted living, a larger memory care facility and a small group home.  Without any doubt, the small group home was the best facility, all around.

 Unless your Mom is EXTREMELY outgoing, chatty and social, the activities that are provided in larger facilities probably won't make a difference.  In a small group home, the friendships will be with the caregivers and other visitors to the home, and they will be easier to develop.  I got to know all of the residents and chatted with them too during my visits. 

Blessings,

Jamie

JJAz

Ghphotog,

I just noticed that you're in NM.  I'm in Arizona and one of the huge benefits of small group homes here is that many are staffed by Mexican women.  The benefit of this is that the Mexican culture values family, its elders, and politeness.  As a result, the caregiving by these women is excellent. 

LJS45

So sorry you are caring for your wife and mother at the same time. I have experience with the large MC facilities and with residential care facilities. It really depends on the needs of the PWD. Larger MC facilities will offer group activities and generally less supervision/assistance. RCF will have maybe 6 residents at most but will offer better supervision/assistance. My mom was initially placed in a beautiful, new MC facility. She was left alone in her room a lot. I did not feel she was getting the care that she needed. She was placed in two other RCF that did not work out. The third has been wonderful. It is a husband and wife team and they are amazing. My mom has been on hospice for 16 months now and I feel she is being well cared for. I like that she is generally in line of sight of caregivers with the open floorplan of the home. It is a difficult road and you may have to try different facilities to find the right fit. Good luck to you.