For Novice about marriage

Quilting brings calm

Novice - I’m starting a new topic  to discuss  your post about your upcoming marriage.  

I don’t want to rain on your parade, but I advise you to first discuss that with an elder care and estate lawyer.  It may or may not be in your financial ( or his) best interest to be legally married. Yes, you both may gain access to certain benefits - but you will become financially responsible for things you aren’t now.  Some of your assets and income  could be considered his and could result in him not  qualifying for Medicaid.  This could really be a financial disaster for your later years. 

If it’s not in your best interest, you could consider a non legal ceremony that would signify your intent to be there ‘in sickness and in health until death’.  He could also appoint you as his legal and financial POA along with his medical POA.   He could appoint you his social security representative.  All that would allow you to manage his money and care.  He could sell you his home or give you a life interest in it.  That would need to be done  soon so as to try to get ahead of the five year Medicaid look back.   

There was a poster on this forum that gave up her military widow benefits to marry her new love  only to have him develop dementia soon after the wedding.  We haven’t heard from her in a while, but I believe she was concerned about financial longevity as a result. 

Ed1937

Quilting, that's an excellent post, and something to seriously consider. Thanks for bringing it to the forefront.

M1

I must say that I had the same thoughts Novice.  All the more reason to consult an attorney.  And not to be cynical, but:  does he need to be competent to consent to marriage?  I really think you need to ask an attorney that question specifically.  I only bring that up in case there are any family disputes that could raise their ugly heads down the line.  The last thing you want in the future is someone accusing you of manipulating him.  Even if there's not a lot of money involved, it can happen.  Unfortunately i come from a long line of attorneys and have seen such disputes professionally and personally.  Better to be too careful than not careful enough.  Or as the old saying goes, marry in haste and repent at leisure.  Not trying to be ugly or harsh and not casting any doubts on you.  Just realistic.

Novice AD Partner-Ca

Thanks to everyone who expressed concern about financial implications of marriage. Please don't worry. I am in Australia. In this country, de facto ("in fact") marriages, like ours (what in the UK they might call "common law" marriage I think) have the same recognition under the law with regard to property, allowances and so on, as regular, marriages under the law.

However, we have occasionally run into hassles while travelling elsewhere where this is not the case (including the USA - got separated at immigration one time by an official who asked "are you married" and when we nodded and said we are partners he reiterated "but are you married?" and then he made me go and wait in line and go through as a separate individual not a family, which was a bit of a wake up call for us). Also, I had a strange consultation recently with a psychiatrist who we attended on the recommendation of the neurologist, to check, I suppose, for anxiety/depression (this was before the PET scan and AD diagnosis). He was quite suspicious of me, it seemed. I accept that he had good reasons, I could have been some sort of scammer trying to get my hands on money or something, but it was awkward. He asked my partner how long he'd known me, did he trust me etc. None of this would have occurred if my partner could simply have responded "she is my wife" in response to the question "who is this person?" (pointed at me).

So there really will not be any financial ramifications, our financial affairs are already pretty simple, we don't really have any property to speak of so it's not really a factor. But thanks for thinking of this and for advising.

Ed1937

Novice, I know in the U.S., people frequently are pretty sure the laws say one thing, while in fact they mean something very different. Do you think it might be a good idea to ask a lawyer how your laws work concerning your situation? You could just ask them to verify that your thoughts are correct. You wouldn't want to make a mistake with something like this.

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