Mom's Attitude

Rob's Daughter

Hello All -

New to the board but have been reading a lot.  Thank you to everyone that shares, I know I am not alone.

We moved my Dad into AL in February.   My Dad had colon cancer in 2019 and did very well with surgery and chemo.  After the chemo was done my mom felt something was off and went to his family doctor and then a neurologist in spring of 2020.  Due to Covid I was unable to go and probably in denial myself that he was fine.  According to my mom the neurologist said "there is nothing we can do".  

So, here we are.  My Dad is repetitive, short term memory is gone and now we sometimes have incontinent issues.  He's being taken care of and I'm very happy at the AL place I found.  They do have MC and I know it will just be a matter of time they will make that move.  All is good.

Problem is my mom.  I know my Dad did EVERYTHING for her when he was well.  My mom was very spoiled and when mom wasn't happy no one was happy.  I feel that I have become paranoid... could my mom be showing signs of dementia?  Or am I just over reacting?

She just doesn't seem to understand or maybe want to understand his illness.   I've printed out information and asked her to read information sheets on how to care for him.  I've gotten books out of the library - I've shared what I've learned.  When he was home she was so mad at him because he didn't brush his teeth.  She'd say to me  "He's 84, shouldn't he remember he needs to brush his teeth?"  Yet, she wouldn't step in to help him.  They have been married 64 years, done everything together and I know this isn't they way she thought her life would end up.

My question, I guess... Is anger a beginning sign of dementia?  I've noticed other things too, like how to use the cordless phone and access her stored contacts is an issue, or how to use the oven, etc.   She has issues with mobility (neuropathy in her feet) and she shuffles when she walks and has fallen twice this year.  She wasn't hurt, thankfully.  

I've made the decision to move her in to AL as well., she will move in 2 weeks.  A 1 bdrm became available and they will be together again.  Which is good and bad.  When I take her for a visit she sometimes leaves angry... but I know there will be so many activities for her to enjoy and do once she is there, because she does sometimes take part in ones when she visits. Plus 3 meals a day because sometimes she doesn't eat because she doesn't know what she wants to have (The freezer is FULL of meals I've made and portioned out) and is "too lazy" she says to wash a container, plate and fork (Yes, there is a dishwasher). 

Thank you in advance for any help.

harshedbuzz

LauraAnn-

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your need to be here but happy you found this place.

I noticed personality changes in my dad at least 3 years before I noticed obvious memory issues and difficulties operating devices like a phone or computer. I suggest you have your mom screened by her PCP at the very least. 

HB

Ed1937

She absolutely needs to be seen by a doctor. There are many conditions that can mimic symptoms of dementia. If something like that is found, like possibly a UTI or other infection, it may be able to be treated, and the symptoms could disappear with successful treatment. But if there is a treatable condition, it needs to be taken care of ASAP. Otherwise the symptoms could reach the point of not being able to recover from. I wish you luck.

M1

glad you've got the move lined up, sounds like exactly the right thing to do. Yes she should be screamed, but what you are describing are classic early symptoms and behaviors.

H1235

My mother in law had Alzheimer’s. Which seemed to be mostly memory. At least in the beginning. So I didn’t make the connection with my mom. She was falling, grumpy, making poor decisions, unable to understand her own limitations (thinking she can paint the garage herself), confusion. She has now been diagnosed with dementia. So it is not just memory. Get her tested.

Anonymousjpl123

Definitely good you have the move lined up. My mother had similar symptoms a few years ago, and was also very dependent on my dad so it was hard to know what was “an issue” and what was just her not wanting to have to do stuff. I think it seems both parents will benefit from having extra support around. In my mom’s case, when my dad passed (in the midst of covid) it really escalated her symptoms. Having them already in AL is a great first step. Hopefully your mom can get screened. It took my mom having some real troubles before she would go to a neurologist so be prepared for some push back. But yes, these do seem like early symptoms to me as well although I myself am still very new to all of this.