Stage 7A

Debra Cooper

My father is 91 and with hospice in stage 7A. His appetite is decreasing and l know it won’t improve such as mine would if I didn’t feel like eating temporarily. He uses a walker, slowing day by day. I have been offered the notion appetite stimulants could be given. iF l want them to be. 

I don’t see this as a good idea and it hurts to feel that way. This is so counterintuitive to the world. Anyone have experience with this?

dayn2nite2

I'm with you, I just don't see the point.  Nature is a miraculous thing - as our time winds down, we don't need food, our bodies can't use the food.  Stimulating an appetite is not a comfort (it's only a comfort for those who think eating until the very last moment is important).

harshedbuzz

Debra-

It's hard. As caregivers we come to the task believing in the power of nutrition and the comfort of special foods. It's hard to let that go. The body is wise. Food at the end-of-life is not comfort. It is a burden on a body that is shutting down and can cause the PWD unnecessary pain.

HB

Emily 123

I agree, Debra.  You're doing the right thing. It's hard to resist the pull of all the tools available, and easy to feel guilty when you turn them down.  But as you know, his body's responding to where he is in his disease.

Do you think the hospice needs to update their care plan? Maybe the goals of care need to be updated to reflect his current and future frailty and your wishes concerning those. That might reduce the need for them to ask you to make these painful clarifications in the moment. 

 Best wishes,

jfkoc

I agree also and would only add that I would feel free to give my father what ever he wants to eat. Here it was ice cream.

This is a hard time...spend as much time as you can with your father. Time spent together is valuable....reading aloud, sitting outside, mindless TV or maybe streaming an old movie. 

Please update us when you can......

M1

Just piling on with additional agreement.  It is so hard to give up wanting to do something, and it is hard for both family and professional caregivers to quit making suggestions.  But it's not something he personally is complaining about, it's not necessary or needed at this point.

mommyandme (m&m)

I don’t think getting him to eat when he doesn’t want to is appropriate. We wouldn’t physically force feed our LOs. Isnt that just a way to manipulate the patient for our own comfort?  We could go the feeding tube route too, but most of the dementia caregivers I’ve heard wouldn’t do that either.  I think let nature take its course. He may have a little bug and when it’s over he’ll eat again.  Or maybe he just needs to remain comfortable and feel love the rest of his days.  It’s your decision and it’s difficult to be the one to determine someone else’s path, especially when life and death are at stake.  I feel you. 

This is so terribly hard, I’m very sorry.