Happy for this support

2parents/brain change

I am happy to see this 'group' or line of questions. My mom is in mid stage dementia. She lives in the home of her oldest grandson in Indiana. My husband and I were called away to Pittsburgh to assist the family of his father who is now in memory care. I am looking forward to hearing from others who live far away from their loved one, and yet want to be helpful in their care.

towhee

Welcome to the forum

lawkat

My mother is mid to late stage Alzheimer's and my dad is the caregiver. I live about 6 hours away and I will fly up to help my dad go to doctor's appointments and fill out paperwork as well as be a good distraction so he can get a break. My dad also calls me most days to vent because he doesn't want to burden his friends with all he is going through. He doesn't use the internet, so I do research for him regarding nursing homes, Medicaid, Medicare and other issues. It is hard being far away, but I try to be there for him physically and emotionally as I can.

CanyonGal

There are many who have to support a LO from a distance. I am in Texas and Mom is in Florida. She is in stage 6 of vascular dementia. We travel several times a year to help make health decisions, handle financial matters, or whatever life throws our way. Each year is more challenging than the year before, as her health deteriorates, so her dementia moves up a notch. We have been unable to move her due to her health issues and the legal paperwork questions. I have DPOA and am a health surrogate under Florida law. There are no local family members who live near her. Everyone has moved from the area.

TheCatWantsOut

Yes, good to see this forum here. Remote caregiving, while I'm sure is no where near as taxing as being an in-person primary caregiver, certainly has its own unique challenges.

My mother lives in New Jersey and I live in Massachusetts. I visit once per month but can't do more than that without significantly impacting work and my family. Mom's condition is deteriorating rapidly. Unfortunately she is very stubborn and refuses any form of home assistance. She can no longer pay her bills due to mental incapacity and she does not receive any significant medical care. I have tried to talk to her doctor of record in the past but he never returns my phone calls. I am currently struggling with the question of going for full-blown legal guardianship and having her forcibly moved into Assisted Living vs. just letting things play out as they will.

CanyonGal

We had to move things gradually before moving mom into Assisted Living. First, I was added as a joint owner to her checking account and I learned what routine bills she has so I could send a check if something was not paid (also got the login information to utilities). We set up an online login with the postal service so I could see what mail was being delivered and I followed up with questions about a bill.

We also had her set up her health surrogate and DPOA (in case of emergencies) so her bills could be taken of if she got sick.

Next we convinced her that we wanted a part time caregiver to be there when she had a shower as a security and that person could go to the store with her or clean dishes, whatever she needed done. The caregiver became her friend more of a companion.

We said if she had a fall, the only option was to move for her safety. And she did fall, rehab, and then moved into an assisted living facility.

Sometimes gradual change works.

2parents/brain change

Thank for these responses. This forum really does save my sanity. It "normalizes' my life during this time. I had to move two states away as father in law is in MC and husband is taking care of unfinished business concerns in his self employed business. Sigh husband just retired less than a year ago. He is getting paid. I count my blessings as often as I am disciplined enough to do so!