Moving dad

Babblingbrook

Moving dad to AL tomorrow. It’s time. I know it’s the right decision for him to be safe. I know I can’t reason with Alzheimers, so I don’t. When I’ve tried to talk to him about moving, he wants nothing to do with it. But I know 4 years ago when we filled out the POA, he agreed that I can make the decision when it’s time for him to be in AL. He was of sound mind then and he’s not now. We are going to get his room all ready and then bring him later. I know it will take a while for him to adapt but right now I’m worried he won’t get out of the car when we pull up there. Any advice?

towhee

Welcome to the forum. Some people treat it as a restaurant or senior center, they just say we are going to eat here or attend a program here and then do so, taking them to the room later, or some just eat and then make an excuse to leave and let the staff handle it. You know what might work best for your dad. If he has been going to a day care or has not had to be constantly monitored at home he might adjust better. Make double sure the staff has your contact info just in case they need information or if there is an emergency. There is a lot of paperwork to fill out and sometimes things get missed.

Babblingbrook

Thank you!

M1

Most of the AL staffs are adept at this, if you give them a heads up when you plan to arrive they will probably be available to help and will lure him in/distract. He won't be the first one to balk. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

CaliforniaGirl-1

The AL we were working with suggested going for lunch. They had arranged for the chef to come out and say hi and ask my parent about food preferences. Then to say it was a trial visit to stay while work was being done on the house.

Good luck. It is so stressful. Know that you are doing the right thing.

Babblingbrook

So in shock… my dad took it so well today and was accepting and didn’t put up an ounce of fight about assisted living today. When I’ve occasionally tried to talk to him the last few months about it, he would become agitated and shut it down. Even last night he said that “we will have a hard time getting him out of there.” But I knew he would forget any of that conversation. So today we got his room all ready and brought him in with the premise of meeting someone there to do an activity. I brought him to his room expecting him to turn around and leave and … he was fine… almost happy! I guess it was harder on us then him and I’m glad for that. Thank you!

harshedbuzz

I'm glad the move wasn't harder emotionally than it had to be. My dad was a tough customer and I was amazed at how easily I moved him into a MCF.

That said, he was a bear the next couple of weeks as he adjusted. I'm not saying your dad will do a complete 180, but be prepared for that just in case.

HB

M1

Glad the day went well; that's at least one hurdle down. Let us know how the adjustment continues.

Babblingbrook

Day 3 and he’s still doing ok. Today he told me that he doesn’t know how he got there - he thinks by ambulance (I brought him). But it seems like because he thinks that an ambulance brought him, it’s helping him deal with it better. Like it’s really serious and he must have to be there. I had my brother who lives out of state call him today because I was curious what dad would say and my dad told him that he’s in prison but then dad laughed. One of the aids told me that he played bingo yesterday! He doesn’t remember that but I was so happy to hear he did it.

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Babblingbrook

Ha ha! Love it. “Prison bingo.” He told someone else yesterday he was in prison, and I was thinking “this has got to be the nicest prison ever.” Day 5 and he’s doing great. They told me he is adapting well and out talking with people. Happy dance! He absolutely DID NOT want to move and and now it’s like he doesn’t even know he resisted.