CAREGIVER STRESS

Angelbaby87

im currently working with a 77 year old lady w dementia.im an in home caregiver.i work every other week.i have only worked for one week.. and honestly do not think i can survive another..im on the verge of a nervous breakdown right now..they hired me with no experience at all..i thought it would be a breeze but have unfortunately found out its hell ..i have honestly done everything in my power to keep her happy, healthy and i take care of her cat and home..shes sweet as can be but when the dementia kicks in..she is very,i mean very hateful..im emotionally impacted from this..i dont know what to do..the job pays very well but im starting to think its just not worth it.if anyone has any info please let me know... thank you

gampiano

Hello,

I have the experience of being a paid care giver, for two women with ALZ. Now, my husband has ALZ, and I'm doing this by myself, with occasional relief from a lovely aide. Fingers crossed that she sticks with us, as I really need some time to breathe.

This is a hard job, and doing a 7 day shift is a bit much. Do you think it would help if you could cut back on your hours?

Also, nights can be tough, with patients sometimes wandering around or having delusions. Is this happening ?

If it is, then maybe give up the night work.

Also, while i was employed as a care giver, i worked with some experienced CNAs and a few of them resigned because the patient was so mean, so don't feel too bad about wanting to leave. This is a devastating and cruel illness for all concerned.

If you decide to continue , here are a few tips that might help:

1) MUSIC . try plating very soft and relaxing music, meditative or new age, or light piano. There are so many available online. you can play them on your phone. I have a small bluetooth speaker that links with my phone and its heavenly. My husband relaxes, becomes calmer and more cooperative when we play this in the background. It can really be a game changer.

2)When your client gets nasty, remove yourself from the situation. go into another room. Or speak very softly and kindly. Sometimes this will elicit a kind response. You dont have to be engaging with her all the time. your job is to keep her comfortable and safe, you dont have to keep her occupied constantly.

I hope this helps, and that you are able to work something out so that you can have income.

Angelbaby87

unfortunately the job requires a whole week on and whole week off... and yes she stays up all night but only wanders in her room (thank God) if i say im going to bed and tell her goodnight then she will wander in the house for maybe 15 min and then goes in her room and shuts her door..that is the only time i get relief but im so tired from the day that i go straight to sleep.so she is also sleep deprived.stays up for 2 days then crashes 3rd night..and YES music works..she only likes playing a list of her 50's and 60's music.ive tried calming sounds (beach bc she likes the beach) she got mad.. and ive tried walking outside or in another room but most of the time she will follow bc its her house and she thinks im the enemy.its only been a week..i am getting to know her which is helping.ill lock the door if she follows.and i try to keep her distracted and busy bc shes got horrible anxiety.so she will worru about everything if she's not engaged.her son wants her to be engaged.but he won't take the time out to put her on mild anxiety and sleep meds.he dont care.visits 5 min a day.its very sad..and yes dementia is a very horrible disease.her daughter came today and witnessed her being ugly towards me so hopefully she will talk to her brother about it..thank u for the feedback

Angelbaby87

what im worried about is having a different client and their needs are different.i take enough from joyce..i couldn't imagine someone different treating me like that..it makes me not want to go to work but it pays well and i dont want to give up on her you know

gampiano

wow it sounds like she really needs the anxiety and sleep meds. Does another caregiver come in when you are off, or is it a family member? And, have you spoken to the daughter about this? They will lose their helpers if their mom isn't more manageable. Your shifts are way too long and exhausting. Its unrealistic to schedule people that way.

MP8

Angelbaby, I want to thank you for the care you are giving your client.

I echo Gampiano in the need to communicate with the family regarding mother's behavior (Does the mother's doctor know about this? Sounds like medication could be very helpful) and the need for caregivers to have a break. Day program? Day and night caregivers (preferably three shifts/day so everyone gets time off)?

I don't know about your particular situation but my experience with my mother is: I'm always learning and it's much harder than it seems from the outside. The family may be completely unaware of how challenging the job is.

CathyLitt

I am taking care of a 93 yr old with dementia. She has 2 sides of mean and nice but for the most part she did calm down. She got Covid a week ago and it has made her nervous of getting from the bed to the chair and visa versa. Her legs are weak so we have her in a wheelchair. The new issue is getting her to let me change her. We have a diaper on her at night but she soaks and will not let me change her. There are 4 of us in different shifts but we’ve all gotten Covid so we are a bit down at the moment. My question is, how do I get her to let me change her? Also, yesterday as I was moving hee from the bed to the chair she pulled away from me and ended up on the floor. I am so afraid of doing this on my own now.

What do I do?

Artsman

Angelbaby: Your health, physical and emotional well being must be a priority. You cannot care for someone if you are falling apart. If her son does not agree to medication and she cannot be cared for without constant drama and stress, you need to get out.

Artsman

CathyLitt: Your employers need to get you help before you and your patient are injured.

gampiano

CathyLitt:

It sounds like the diaper change should take place during a shift rotation, where 2 people are available. Also, a quick way to remove a diaper or a pullup, is with a pair of blunt tip bandage scissors. We used to cut the diaper or pants down the sides for quick removal, as time is of the essence. I took care of a young man with MS , basically did the "dinner shift", and the night nurse would always ask me to help her change him before i went off duty. Maybe communicate with the other carers, as thet are probably having same issue. Hope this helps!

Angelbaby87

ARTSMAN,GAMPIANO,MP8: yes its very long..i only work 6 out of 7 days as in home bc i have to go to the doc once a week..then off 7...its still a week to me. and exhausting but i feel alot better now... after posting everything, i crashed from exhaustion and slept for like 13 hours that night and bawled my eyes out when i woke up next morning.i had to release all the stress and tension that was built up...ive been holding it together for a week.. holding it all in since day 1,finally let it all out while talking to a very good friend of mine that knows about what i go through at work.i feel so much better..i have learned alot about my client and when she gets ugly and mean, ill say "ms. joyce, you dont have to be ugly towards me in a very tender and compassionate way..she then says "am i ? im sorry" and she will go from hateful to sweet again..i hate calling her out like that but ive found that its the only thing that works for right now.and tysm for the new activities you shared with me..i cant wait to do the sticker album..thank yall so much for reaching out..all this support is wonderful xo

Angelbaby87

CATHYLITT

i dont know if this will help you or not.ive never changed a diaper yet.but my client did not want to get in the shower at all..i tried everything.she loves her son Keith and remembers him so i now say to her " ms joyce,its time to take a shower for keith..you got to be nice and clean for him" and it works..maybe your client has a loved one you can bring up to get her to let you change her..and im very sorry you had to experience her falling on your own..you need another caregiver there to help w transfers.i hope things get better hun

Angelbaby87

oh and mh client is on meds but they do not work..i looked them up and one is for anxiety but it doesn't work..her son took her to the doctor recently and no changes was made.he doesn't know how bad she can get...i text him and told him everything and talked to her daughter when she came to visit so hopefully she will talk to her brother about this...bc he never text me back.she even witnessed her being mean towards me so hopefully her family will now do something about it..i hope

LicketyGlitz

You got thrown in the deep end, Angel! So much good advice here, I'll toss this at you to add to it: A beginner's guide to dementia!

https://www.stumpedtowndementia.com/post/every-dementia-person-is-different

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

"her son took her to the doctor recently and no changes was made.he doesn't know how bad she can get...i text him and told him everything"

Maybe try recording her in the middle of her bad spells to show him. Sometimes PWD act differently depending on who is present, sometimes called showtiming.

My mom is usually super sweet and agreeable whenever my dad's around but she's almost a different person when I'm alone with her for a whole day; anxious and irritated and sometimes distrustful. I've been turning the clock around in the living room because seeing the time makes mom anxious in the evenings and dad started to complain to me for it. I explained that I was trying to minimize mom's stressors and he said "well I've never seen it!" I've been seeing for two months!

Angelbaby87

LICKETYGLITZ:

THANK YOU SO MUCH..ILL DEFINITELY LOOK IT UP...GOD BLESS you.and yes i got thrown in the deep end as i got hired knew nothing about how this was going to go.no experience or training what si ever.i thought it would be a breeze " oh i can take care of someone as i have children" but its nothing like children.i had no heads up, warning or anything.i am learning alot about my client and myself at the same time

Angelbaby87

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble:

that would be a great idea.hopefully recording her will help bc talking to her son wont.its like he doesn't even care...like they gave up on her and put her off on caregivers bc they dont want her in a home yet...thank you so much

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

Oh also, if you do manage to get a recording of it, you might be able to pass it along to her doctors. I have seen others on the forum say that it's possible to give information to doctors in case they aren't aware of somethings. You might have to explain that you're not looking for information about her, but giving it.

I tried this once for my dad and the receptionist on the phone was a little perplexed about it. She first thought I was seeking information and since I'm not a part of his HIPAA she tried to turn me away. Had to very carefully explain that I was only informing them and not seeking information from them. She thanked me later once it got squared away.

Angelbaby87

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble:

yes...its called sundowning.and its very bad.my client gets worst around 4pm until 9pm (bedtime) the only clock she has is on the stove and microwave which she doesn't understand.so ill tell her what time of the day it is every couple of hours.her son comes and visits her at 8pm every night.he works 12 hour shifts and doesn't have time for her so they put her off on the caregivers.. very sad..when he comes,he stays 5 min if shes lucky to see him that long, i cannot talk to him about anything as she is right there.he keeps a notebook that were supposed to write down what happened during the day and her behavior..all it was doing for me is making me look bad compared to the other caregiver who seemed to have a lovely day with her.so i minimize what i write now..i text him but no response...he doesn't care..shes gotten so bad to where she almost hit me bc i wouldn't let her bring the outside cat in as her son doesn't want him in.im.learning alot about her and myself.i had a nervous breakdown my first day off and cried and released all that built up stress and tension i had been holding in since day 1.i now feel so much better.. and thats a good idea recording her behavior for him...if that will do any good.

Angelbaby87

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble:

i was just thinking about it and there's already cameras in the house.one in living room,one in her bedroom and one in the kitchen.so im sure they are aware of her behavior.i unfortunately dont have access to her doc.her son does.im worried that hes going to take it the wrong way if i record her actions.the company i work for has a very strict rule on that due to hippa.the app that i have to clock in goes straight to the company i work for,we have to check mark every chore abd ALDS we do w clients,at the bottom it says "has there been any recent changes in the clients behavior?" ive been documenting everything.the company is then supposed to get ahold of her son,and her son takes all the notes to her doc,ive only been there a week and half so it may just take some time to get this cleared up

Angelbaby87

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble:

hey..i read where your having a hard time finding in home caregivers...my company is called "affordable family care" hopefully this will help

mommyandme (m&m)

That’s a lot to take on with “no experience”. Not knowing her or the family really and not understanding what dementia might entail sounds awful. At least I loved my mom and got a slow learning curve to start. Seems like a crash course in dementia is necessary. I don’t think I could have done the crash course. If you’re up to it, read here and look at many resources, books, videos etc, or at least some before giving up? Clear communication with the other caregiver and family is needed I think. They may have some tips and tricks. She may need some meds to help with her anger and sleeplessness. Many times I found the anger actually was anxiety that couldn’t be expressed well. Validating their feelings goes a long way when they’re anxious.

I hope you find some working solutions for her and to help take care of you.

oops, shoulda read more comments. You have experience, in a sense, with the agency. They should be able to help you and even send a manager or whoever to shadow you for a shift or something.

Angelbaby87

my agency sucks bc the day I was supposed to be trained or whatever was the day she called out so i was there by myself an hour away from home with a new client that i had to literally pick up and hold her up while washing her...that was a very bad experience for me..the lady had mild dementia but the main thing was that she was weak and couldn't stand on her own which i was told diff from my so called great supervisor...the lady unfortunately had a stroke right before i went in to try to pick her up which i knew i couldn't....i called 911 and actually saved her life... that was a different story...and no i have no experience...dont know the family all that well ..it seems liks everyone wants to sugar coat her treatment...i reach out to her son but no response ever...the other caregiver has 30 years of experience so shes great but doesn't train me or help me at shift change...its alot of miscommunication and its like im getting no where...im still waiting 9n her son to buy the items i wrote down for our new activities we can do together...no ones taking this seriously but me...its like her family gave up on her and threw her off on the caregivers...her son visits everyday but only stays for a couple of minutes...i think he just dont want to see her like that or wants to deal w it either... very sad i think