Showing signs of Dementia but refuses to go to the doctor

ricky151634

My mother has been showing signs of dementia for a few months now. She doesn't believe anything is wrong with her so she refuses to get help. She believes people are following her and thinks her family members are stealing from her. She comes up with these strange stories that she is famous and won a contest. My sister lives near her and checks on her frequently. I live thousands of miles away. I just recently visited with her to see first hand what she has been doing and I am convinced she needs help. How can you help someone get medical assistance that refuses to go to a doctor to get diagnosed?

towhee

Hello Ricky, if you are new welcome to the forum. One of the first things that we have to accept is that getting our parents buy in or agreement is not likely to happen. They simply no longer have the brain width to know that something is wrong (called anosognosia). We have to learn to do without their agreement. Our roles of parent and child have to change. So, we go around them. We fiblet. We say "Medicare has a new rule, to keep your insurance you have to see your doctor this month- or- to get your medications refilled you have to see your doctor, all these rules mom, they are such a pain but that is just the way it is". Call or communicate with your moms doctor. Even without legal paperwork you can inform the doctor that there is a problem, they may be able to help you set up an appointment. Don't tell your mom the appointment is because she has a problem. Don't expect her to be able to tell the doctor what is going on. You and your family have to provide the doctor that information beforehand. If at all possible make sure that when the paperwork is filled out in the doctors office that a family member is listed as emergency contact/someone the doctor can give information to, so that the doctor can talk to family member privately. What you want is a office visit where they will do routine bloodwork, vitals etc. There could be all sorts of things going on physically that could cause mental function decline as well as dementia. Make sure you have a handle on any medications she takes and how she is taking them. Good luck.

ricky151634

Thank you for this information.

dw014750

I’m also new here. Thank you for that question. This is exactly what we are dealing with. Towhe your response was extremely helpful. LO behavior for the last year has been so far out of character and seems to be getting worse. Refuses to see a Dr and when we suggest it becomes aggressive and confrontational.

AC1979

I don't know if it helps or what stage she's in, but I finally convinced my mom by addressing it as preventative care; like going to the dentist. Standard scans to ensure quality of life moving forward. ;)

mlowe6

My mom finally decided to get another cognitive test when my niece a psychiatrist wrote a letter with concerns that she saw and I privately stated my concerns to the Dr. In the middle of the visit my dad even spoke up. And mentioned several things so she said yes she would take the testing as a way to prove to everyone the she didn’t have dementia. I secretly laughed but was so relieved that she agreed to get testing to see how bad it really is!

Lindadarbr

This is the first time I have posted and I want to say I am very happy I started reading the other posts. My husband of 47 years also refuses to believe there is a problem. His primary doctor believes there is a problem, people who know him believe it as well as our whole family. His mother and father also had dementia, they are both deceased. I have taken him to 2 neuros, he refuses to do any testing. There are times when he doesn't believe he is married to me. I used to argue with him and even kept our marriage photos and license on the table as proof. That is just the tip of the iceberg as people say. After many battles I have finally learned it is useless to argue. Now, I just wait for it to pass as it always does. I have also learned to fib when necessary. Anyway, my heart goes out to all who have to deal with this.

Anonymousjpl123

Yes the fiblets are key. In my case, to be honest, we waited until things were bad enough that she had to go. I wish it would have been different, but it took having a few incidents (flooding her condo 2 days in a row, getting lost, someone calling social services) . We said she had to go to the doctor because other people were concerned. At some point, we took away options to not see a doctor, etc. it was hard.

In hindsight, we could have used that fiblet earlier. You know, people are worried about you, have raised concerns, etc.

Others are right: what makes this so hard is that my mom, and many others, really doesn’t fully understand how much her mind has changed. You will step in, it will be hard, but you can get through it. She may never accept it or understand. Just focus on keeping her safe; and getting her care. Sorry you are going through this. There is a lot of knowledge and care on this forum. People here have really lived it.

PatriceBlair

I am new to this forum, and find everyone's comments very helpful. Does anyone have a suggestion for finding proper medical care? Is a regular doctor, primary care, okay? Should she be seeing someone who only cares for her brain? I am 5 hours away, but she will go to seek care if led in the right direction. I just need to know how to guide her.