new here...first post

TERRI

Hi, im new to alzconnected.......i take care of my parents who are both 89. My mother has late stage Alzheimer's and my dad and I take care of her. I moved my parents down to my property a year and a half ago so i could take care of both of them. my dad does his best, but he gets frustrated so i take my mom for most of the day while giving him a break. We do not want to place her in a nursing home so we are doing the best we can. just wanted to reach out to the community here to build some connections.....it gets pretty lonely and hopefully having others to talk to will be good for me. thanks for listening and am looking forward to hearing from others in the same boat as me.

towhee

Hello Terri, welcome to the forum. Loneliness comes with the territory quite often unfortunately. People do not understand who are not going thru the same thing. Try to stay in touch with your friends though, even if you can not vent to them. Try to take time for yourself, you might try to hire an aide part time. Are you rural? Rural resources can be harder to find. Keep coming back to the forum we do understand.

Jo C.

Hello Terri and a very warm welcome to you. So glad you have found this marvelously supportive site. It is a safe place to be able to share what you are experiencing and also a great place to gain experiential wisdom from others who fully understand.

You are a blessing to your parents and a wonderful advocate for both of them. it is important to also take yourself into consideration so that you do not begin to suffer exhaustion burnout. It is always good to try to build a support system as much as one can. This can be other family members, friends, having a connection to a church, having a good and responsive physician, hiring someone to assist even if only for a few hours a week; anything and anyone to establish a relationship for connections and release will be helpful.

You mention your mother is in the late stage of Alzheimer's. One thing often overlooked is the wonderful support of Hospice services. Hospice is not just for six months or less to live and they do not hasten death. They are there to help our Loved One (LO) have the best quality of life under the circumstances; comfort being a priority. Some of our Members have had Hospice services for two years and even more.

They provide so much support which is covered by Medicare not only for the patient, but they also support the family members. You would have an RN assigned to your mother who makes visits, there would be a Social Worker, a bath aide two to three times a week to bathe and groom. If you wish, there is also a Chaplain that can make visits. Many Hospices have volunteers who can come and sit for a few hours permitting the primary caregiver a bit of time for respite or errands. Hospice at no cost to the family will provide the electric hospital bed, electric lifts if necessary, wheelchairs, guerney chairs, and any other needed equipment, etc. All is provided at no cost to the family.

Even if you do not plan to have Hospice at this point, it is useful to call a couple of Hospice entities in your area and ask to speak to the Supervising RN. You can then discuss your situation, your mother's condition and other concerns and then ask about their services and philosophy of care. It is important information to have should you decide upon their services at a later date. Though you do not plan to have your mother placed in a care facility, if something untoward should happen, Hospice will also follow in the care facility setting which is a big plus.

One other helpful idea is that the Alzheimer's Assn. has a 24 hour, 365 day a year Helpline that can be reached at (800) 272-3900. If you should call, ask to be transferred to a Care Consultant. There are no fees for this service. Consultants are highly educated Social Workers who specialize in dementia and family dynamics. It is a good place to go and just talk, especially when feeling troubled or stressed; They are good listeners, great support, have much information and can often assist us with our problem solving.

We are all here in support of one another and that now includes you too! Let us know how you are and how things are going, we will be thinking of you and we truly do care.

Sending warm thoughts and best wishes to one daughter from another,

J.

maggurru

Terri I also had my dad with hospice when he had Alzheimer’s and it was the best thing I did. They are very good with the patient and go to the house for everything. It is a big help for the care taker.