New to this

me it's just me

My husband has not been diagnosed with AZ as of yet. HIs neurologist finally agreed that a number of tests were needed to make a diagnosis. Here's the problem. I know, and my husband knows, that he's losing his memory. He depends on me more and more for simple things (where to go, what phone calls need to be made, what day it is). I'm tired. I work part time (hard), and I take care of the home. He helps a lot with the house and yard. Nevertheless, I'm tired. I don't sleep well. How do I stay patient and let him be right, and put up with his anger when he thinks I don't treat him well?

Sligo177

Hi Me it's just me,

It's sooo hard, and I empathize, especially with you also needing sleep. I know I was always tired, and often frustrated and sometimes just really mad that this was happening to my DH.

I don't know the answer in total, but you might consider finding someone to come in to help with your household stuff. It could serve as a gateway for caregivers to come into the home when and if you decide that is needed. Taking it on all by yourself is very tough. Be good to yourself.

me it's just me

Thanks for the response and for the advice.

Another Day

Well Me it's just me, you came to the right place. At least here you will find support. It's OK to vent here too. I'm new too, just joined up in January. I'm doing a lot of reading and watching videos recommended by other members. Knowledge is power. The sleep thing is a biggie, I use a product called Sleep Support with Melatonin 1.5 mg. You can find it on Dr. Mercola's website. My DH takes the 5 mg so that he can sleep. Sleep was a real issue for him too.

I have defined this ________whatever we're dealing with, my DH is also undiagnosed, as frustration finely tuned. To me that's what this is.....about the time you think you have things running smoothly WHAM something changes. I feel like the Queen of Plan B. Good thing I was a Girl Scout growing up, huh.

Sounds like you're solo caregiver. I'm there with you. We're not alone though, remember you have God and there's a lot right here in the same boat as you and I. The best thing is, they help! They listen! They give some pretty good advice too.

I see above that you were reminded to take care of yourself. That is so true. Actually, how can you take care of your DH or anything else if you don't take care of YOU? Make yourself a priority.

I deal with the anger thing too. Sometimes I just walk away, it passes, he'll forget what he was angry about or that he was even angry. Be careful though, anger can lead to him physically abusing you. I also have people who know what is going on and IF I shoot them a text, they call the house phone and chat with him for a little bit. It diffuses the situation. He forgets and his frame of mind is better then. Have a plan for when things are going south. As a matter of fact, have several and keep reading here. Best wishes to you! ~ Another Day

toolbeltexpert

Welcome Me it's just me. Makes me want to sing it's me it's me O Lord standing in the need of prayer. It's good to get the testing done especially if there's an easy fix,you may have already done those?

But getting a firm dx isn't a fix. But it gives you time now to enjoy while it isn't so hard.

Keep posting and reading you'll find lots of help here.

Stewart

Lgw

Get the paperwork done now! DNR, POA Medical POA. Don't put them off. You can get free ones online or go to your lawyer. This site has done wonders for me. Information from the loved ones in the trenches that have gone what you have gone through. They will support you in a way family member or doctors can't because they aren't seeing what you are seeing. I'll be praying for you.

Lgw

me it's just me

Thank you all for your comments and advice. I'm reaching out to friends, and letting them know what's happening. That helps, but they don't "get it" as someone who is also going through it does. My husband and I covered the POA and living will when we were younger. We were pretty organized about that.

I worry I won't be strong enough to do this.

Denise1847

Please make sure the POA covers your current situation. I know that some are temporary etc. You need a POA that gives you control now and going forward, not in the event of ... You can explain to your husband that he is needing you to do all of the home finances etc. and that you have to make it legal to sign his name etc. otherwise, you could get in trouble legally. I totally understand your concerns and the people on this site are warriors. It really helps to learn from their experiences. As for strength, take it one day at a time, pray often, read, go for walks by yourself, talk to friends, rest alot, go for counseling. I try not to look back because it makes me sad and really puts me off my game. Also, try not to compare your life or what your plans were for your life were as it only serves to bring you down. Focus on what you have now and try to fine gratitude in anything you can everyday. God bless and I hope this helps.

me it's just me

Hi Denise,

I really appreciate your post. The last bit is especially on target. It's what comes next that counts, not what we hoped for, thought we'd get, or even what we had. It's wonderful to me that I'm not alone in this. I'm not religious, but I really do believe in the balancing power of gratitude. Thanks for your post.

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me it's just me

Wow. There's so much I hadn't thought about. All the help I'm getting here is already incredibly valuable. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the ideas and advice. Right now I'm dealing mostly with the emotional side of things. I need to quickly accept things and move on to the practicalities.

M1

Hi Me. I was in the same boat in terms of having to update my own wlll and POA when my partner could no longer serve. I did it without telling her because I knew her feelings would be hurt--she has anosognosia, which means that most of the time she does not realize that she has deficits and thinks she's fine. That could be going on with your DH also--I think it's part of what triggers the anger and frustration when they can no longer function as they used to.

This forum has been a lifesaver for me too--still is. Good luck though sorry you had to join our ranks.

Crushed