Nowhere- temporarily living in same town as my husband

Nowhere

No longer do I need to disguise myself to visit my husband. Not even a Covid mask! He knows I’m his wife, without knowing the details. He no longer aggressively seeks to find me when I leave. Or demands to leave. It’s wonderful. I see him inside lots of smiles and deep sighs. He’s still the caring gentleman of others. This is our time once again.

Ed1937

That is fantastic news! Thanks for sharing. I'm hoping it won't be long before we can see a post like that from M1.

eaglemom

This post just make me happy. Thank you for sharing this wonderful news.

eagle

M1

That is good news nowhere, i am glad for you. Ed, thank you for the sweet wishes. maybe someday.

Battlebuddy

So happy for you! I’ve shared your story multiple times with others . It goes like this :

” there’s a woman who’s husband was aggressive with her and didn’t want her around. So in order to visit with him in Memory Care , and check on him, she put on a disguise with a wig and everything . He didn’t recognize her but she knew HIM. Now that’s love”

Beachfan

Nowhere,

You worked so hard and waited (patiently) for so long!!!! Savor every moment from this day forward; you (and he) deserve it. And, yes, M1, I truly believe your day will come.

Nowhere

Thank you for sharing in my joy. Not going to be so easy, selling and moving, and getting back in the saddle of daily dementia dealings. For those of you who have your loved ones at home- my hat goes out to you for your strength and stamina! For those of you who have made the decision to place, my heart goes out to you because coming to that decision is not unlike surrendering, and even afterwards, the fight with AD is still real. Just the setting is altered.

Quilting brings calm

Nowhere- I’m confused. The title of your thread doesn’t match with the info you shared in your first comment under it. Your second comment sort of refers to it.

i see that your spouse is now dealing well with seeing you so that you don’t have to disguise yourself

Are you moving? Are you going to take care of someone else? Or does your reference to daily caregiving refer to being in a position to see your spouse more often?

Nowhere

Sorry about the confusion. I’ve rented a garage turned into a cabin for one month just a couple miles away from his facility. Staff says he’s smiling more with my presence, albeit he’s not happy being there. He wants to leave, and will I take him home with me, please? The difference now is that he accepts my not taking him with me. No more pushing past doors or breaking windows in fearful outrage. His anger has turned into resignation. I recall when he talks of leaving he was quite dissatisfied the last two years even living at home. He talks clearly, although doesn’t generate conversation, except to ask when I’m returning. His depression speaks to the autonomy he’s lost. He’s not a social butterfly like some. Rather he stays to himself and is frightened by those who wander and approach too close and of course by those who yell out. He has no sense of the length of time we’ve been apart. No memory of his other memory care wives he addressed as my name.

I moved near our daughter when I first placed him, as my elderly folks home was near his first placement. When he was evicted he was “adopted” by a memory care home almost 2 hours away from my house.

I feel a responsibility (must be love) to see him more than once a week, especially now that I know my coming and going presence is accepted by him. Interestingly he knew me the other day by the sound of my simply clearing my throat. He hadn’t seen me come in and he was involved in a trivia activity. I sat behind him. He turned around and said, “I knew that was you”! Be still my heart. ❤️

Thanks for asking Quilting BC.

Quilting brings calm

Nowhere - thanks for the update. The resignation about placement is similar to feelings my parents have about their placement in AL. It’s been over three years and they each make comments about it. I think they both know that it’s where they need to be, but just can’t seem to find positives about it. I’ve just stepped back from it mentally.

Nowhere

According to my WW2 Dad serving on Guadalcanal, growing old was the toughest thing he’s experienced. Life is Ying / Yang. Ugly and beautiful. No one gets a hall pass.

Wishing your folks quality and peace, QBC

Joydean

So very happy for you and your husband, Nowhere. Glad you can see him and that he knows who you are. You have definitely been a very patient lady and so creative in ways of still being close . Cherish all the time you can.