Spousal denial

dannyhurst

What should i do if my wife refuses to accept my early mental decline?i haven't been diagnosed,but i can recognize that my mind is beginning to slip a little bit...i forget to do some things a lot,but since i can still mentally function in most areas,she tells me that i don't WANT to do things,and that i don't care about anything,like turning lights off or closing cupboard doors all the time...and she insists that there is nothing wrong with me.
Does this make sense?

LaurenB

Do you have plans to pursue a diagnosis? What if you get a diagnosis and find out that there is something that is treatable?

often times, family find it easier to deny that there is a problem rather than face a reality that they didn’t anticipate.

Jo C.

Hello Danny and a very warm welcome to you; I am so glad you found this very supportive place.

What makes sense, Danny, is that you know yourself well and have consistently been feeling something is very wrong with your usual way of functioning and thinking as well as your motivation and energy. That would be a valid concern for any of us.

It would be good to make an appointment for yourself with your primary care physician and explain thoroughly all of the changes you have been consistently experiencing. If you have to write a list to remind yourself of all the changes to communicate, that may be helpful. You could also have a typed list of this to provide to the doctor.

You can inform the doctor that you want a full diagnostic workup to determine what is happening. This would consist of a full menu of labs being drawn and may even consist of a CT Scan or other diagnostic tool.

NOTE: There are many different conditions within the body that can actually mimic Alzheimer's Disease or other related dementia's. Here are just some of them:

 Vitamin Deficiency: especially B12, B1, B6, Folic Acid, Niacin, D3, etc. or various minerals

- Malabsorption Disorder :

- Delirium (various causes)

- Thyroid disorders

- Disorders of heart, lung, liver, kidney

- Metabolic disorders

- Low O2 levels

- Dehydration

- Severely poor nutrition

- Environmental toxicity from metals, or other substances

- Electrolyte disorders

- Autoimmune Disorders

- Diabetes

- Tumors

- Alcohol use

- Drug abuse

- Sleep disorders

- Sleep apnea

- Vision/Hearing problems

- Depression

- Mental Health Disorders

- Hypercalcemia

- Infections, including UTIs which can be "silent" without symptoms

- Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus

-  - Medications: both prescription AND over-the-counter: such as BP meds, antihistamines, heart meds, sedatives, asthma meds, steroids, pain pills, antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, antibiotics, OTC supplements and herbs 

. . . . and more

All of this needs to be screened for by the doctor, so I do hope you make an appointment. If it turns out that the changes are from a physical condition, it may be it can be easily treated.

If it turns out there may be an Alzheimer's suspicion, then it will be far best to seek a dementia specialist such as a GeroPsych specialist or a good Neurologist who treats dementia patients as a routine part of his/her practice. This will be of great help in perhaps getting treatment to slow the condition down as well as providing best care management in the future. Our primary care MDs are awesome and so good at so much, but they are not on the cutting edge of all the bits and pieces that go into adequate dementia medical management as the condition evolves.

I send you best wishes as you begin to seek out the medical advice you need to put your mind at rest. Please do let us know how you are and how things are going; we will be thinking of you and we really do care.

J.

Jo C.

Danny, here I am again. I wanted to give you a link to an excellent writing that is considered the best professional information writing regarding Alzheimer's Disease. I thought your wife would benefit from reading it. It begins explaining the very earliest onset in detail with explanations and I think it suits your need to be understood.

It is, "Understanding The Dementia Experience," by professional, Jennifer Ghent-Fuller. It is available on Smashwords which I will give the link. The information starts on page 3, and page 4 is where it begins to discuss the early onset stage of the disease process.

The print is tiny, but on the left of the screen, it has a box in which the font can be made larger until it is good for the reader. One reaches the next pages or go backwards using the green arrows at the bottom of each page. Here is the link:

https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/3/understanding-the-dementia-experience/Huge

Iris L.

Hello Danny. There actually is good news for you. You are beginning to slip a bit and forget, but you function okay in most area. This is good to know. So far, this is not dementia. Dementia comes in when you have trouble functioning in your normal everyday activities. Doing everyday activities are called executive functioning.

There are many causes for "slipping" and forgetting. Some you can figure out yourself, some you need a doctor to help. Here are a few issues to investigate:

Overstressed

Anxiety

Depression

Medical diseases, such as thyroid disease

Nutritional deficiency, such as low vitamin B12

Chronic or old brain trauma

Medication side effect, from both prescription and over-the-counter meds

Alcohol

Sleep apnea and other sleep disorders

Brain tumor, mini-strokes

And more

I suggest you make an appointment with your doctor. In advance, write out a list of you symptoms. Ask your wife to note whatever she might see. If nothing, she can note that in writing. Are you having trouble at work? Write that down. It will take time to get a thorough medical evaluation. Also, read the diagnosis section of alz.org.

Please keep us updated about what is happening with you. I hope you have something that is easily treatable.

Iris

Janutt

Hi Jo C,

I read that article and I have passed this along to my family. It was helpful.

danny,

I can relate to what you’re saying about your spouse my spouse had done this to me until he went to my doctors appointment and the doctor had confirmed that I do have EOA my spouse then changed his whole attitude towards me and has been forgiving. I wish you all the best.

Mimi50

No it makes no sense to me at all. This is not something you are doing on purpose. You have cognitive impairment. She needs to support you and accept it.