AFTER

Mainer1

My WF passed on August 5 of 2022. During the two hard years before that I had been in regular conversation with my ex-wife from 44 years ago whose husband died of Alzheimer's in 2021. As many of you know well, nobody really understands what it's like if they haven't been there. When my DW passed, she had been completely uncommunicative for six months. I had seen her for the last time a week before and, per the recommendation of our hospice nurse, told her that it was OK for her to go. As I shared this experience with my ex, we began to recognize that it was foolish not to consider making a major change,. We were both alone, cooking for one, and although we shared much (she had been coming to church with me on line for two years), just dragging on made no sense, so .....

She packed up her stuff, I sold off a bunch of mine to make room, and she moved 1,000 miles and I gave her part of my house. (She paid off the mortgage so we actually own 65% (me) 35% (her). We did a whole bunch of legal stuff (power of medical attorney, etc. ) using a very fine elderlaw attorney, and IT WORKS!! Friends here have been wonderful and accepting, and we now go to church together, she is active with church activities, we shop together, cook together, go to plays, concerts, etc. Is the grief gone? No. It reaches up and grabs each of us from time to time and there are places and things we have trouble visiting, but it is possible, if you are lucky enough to have the option, to continue with life after ALZ. It's not a marriage -- our friends laugh about it and have tacked various names on the relationship (housemates, for example.)

We've talked with other "late in life" couples, and the best advice we got was to try to keep it simple. The possibility of "life after ALZ" won't make the pain and agony go away, but it might, if possible for you, show a light in the distance that you can hold on to. I will never stop missing my DW, any more than my ex will stop missing her DH, and we both accept that, but maybe this possibility will help one or more of you sometime. I pray that is possible.

Ed1937

Mainer, I'm happy for both of you. If you can make it work, that's about as big a win as you can get.