Need help understanding

ChrissyL

Hello I'm new to this. I'm actually heading to Germany next week to help with my mom who has been diagnosed with dementia. This is something new to me and with the language barrier over there ( with doctors) lm a bit concerned. Was hoping maybe I could get some input as to what questions should I be asking. I video chatted last week with my mom and she no longer knows who I am. Can others tell me how you handle that ,I appreciate any input.

M1

Hi chrissy, welcome to the forum. How difficult. The good news is that the doctors will probably be pretty fluent in English. Is your mom a German citizen? If she no longer knows you, I would think she will likely need facility care and i would familiarize yourself with what the options are and how to get her into a safe living situation asap. If she is a us citizen and not eligible for the German health system that's a whole different ballgame.

You may find she recognizes you when you see her in person, we can only hope. These things can fluctuate for a while.

towhee

Hello Chrissy, welcome to the forum. The most basic questions to ask a doctor are "what type of dementia" and "what stage is she in" and "what level/kind of care does she need" You might or might not get concrete answers to these questions. Even if you get concrete answers treat them as guidelines, not absolutes.

Type of dementia- There are many causes/kinds of dementia, and it can be very difficult to determine which one or ones are present. The most common is Alzheimer's, some of the others are vascular, FTD and Lewy body. There is some difference in the way they progress, that knowledge can sometimes be useful. Another way to divide them up is early onset (before age 65) and late onset.

Stage - Most doctors in the US will refer to early/mild, middle/moderate, and late/severe. Most caregivers will use a 5 or 7 stage model for more precision. Stage gives a ballpark idea of where a person is on the dementia path, what behaviors to expect, and what care is needed. Again, this is just a guideline. With dementia, you say "When you have seen one person with dementia, you have only seen one person with dementia". The disease varies in each person.

You can also ask about medications. There are two main classes of dementia medications. There are some other medications that can be used off label in the US for problems such as not sleeping, anxiety, paranoia, etc.

Here in the US, that is about all you will get from a doctor. In Germany you might be luckier and be able to get more information on available care and family support, I do not know.

"she did not know who I was" That is hard. I remember the first time it happened to me and I was expecting it to happen. I almost cried. The important thing is to remain calm. She might know you in person, or at some time of the day, or know you one minute but not the next. If she is in the mild stage this might help you. When someone with dementia forgets who you are - YouTube If someone is further along then this approach might not be good. What is important is that the person is comfortable with you, that they have a good relationship with you, not that they recognize you. If someone is very far back in time call them by the name they called themselves in that time period. What you say can vary. When my mom knew me I called her mom. When she did not I introduced myself with my first name and called her by her first name with the title "miss".

One tip- Do not say "do you remember?".

The following link is to the most often recommended publication for general information. It is article length. Smashwords – Understanding the Dementia Experience - A book by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller - page 1

Safe travels-