Help with getting spouse to appointments

lovingknot77

Hello, I am new to this, need help, would love some input on something.

how do I get my husband to go to appointments, sometimes he will, but

there are times he will not, says things like the last time he was there was not treated right but thats no so, has a problem with trusting them at times. There are times we will be on our way there and sudden, I don't want to go, can"t it be closer

M1

Welcome to the forum; I think this is a pretty common problem. My partner did it too (she is now in MC) and I think it is part of a general phenomenon of withdrawing from public life as the dementia progresses. She would cancel appointemtns at the last minute and then not remember why and not know how to reschedule. I think you just have to use "fiblets"--harmless lies--to get him to go, and you almost certainly have to go with him regardless. Things like, "Oh I forgot to tell you they called, and it has to be today because he's going out of town" or "if we don't keep this appointmetn there's a cancellation charge" or even "the insurance will be cancelled if we don't keep this appointmetn." That said--there is also a time to get rid of appointmetns that are not clearly needed any more. we dropped a lot of specialty care as time went on. Now she is in memory care and does not even go for routine dental cleanings any more.

Jeanne C.

We were going through this, too with my DH. I would make appointments for the memory care NP and couldn't get him to go in. I struggled with the right way to approach it and honestly don't know. For one appointment I reminded him the day prior so he was prepared. Well that was wrong. He paced all night long and had a total meltdown in the parking lot, including a pretty aggressive struggle where he hurt me ripping my phone out of my hand and throwing it. The next time I didn't tell him in advance and actually got him into the building, where he had a meltdown and took off running down the stairs and out of the building while his friend sat with him and I was completing paperwork. He made it an impressive 3 miles on foot before we caught up to him.

What did go pretty well was a telehealth visit - maybe this can be an option?

Denise1847

Is it possible to get him to tell you how he felt they didn't treat him well? My husband hates it when they do the mental assessment because he can't answer the questions and feels "stupid." If that is it, then tell them and him they won't be doing it anymore.

LadyTexan

I used various strategies over our journey.

DH was tired of appointments when we were trying to get a diagnosis (dx) in the early days. It was long and grueling for both of us. I pled to DH to please go for me, because we needed a dx to apply for disability.

Later, I was fortunate that DH trusted and connected with a psychiatrist. She was his advocate and he was eager to see her.

Other appointments, DH was fiercely opposed to going to. His frustration was greater than any benefit that would come from the appointment, so I wouldn't force it.

lovingknot77

Thanks so much for everyone's input. We've tried the telehealth, but he wants me to do all the talking, but that's fine, I ask and answered between him and the doctor. What is more challenging is when he needs to go in and the dr needs to see a body part, he has bad knees also he needs to see a psy for a good diagnosis, not sure what I can tell him who we're going to see.

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Another Day

Keep the information and advice rolling on this one please....DH has an appointment scheduled for Monday and he's already postponed it once, said it was too early. Now says he doesn't trust them now, and the other is doesn't want bloodwork done, what else are they doing with that needle.

LadyTexan

One thing that facilitated the appointments tremendously, is that I communicated with the health care provider before the appointments about DH's symptoms, concerns, and behaviors. I included objectives for the appointment, questions, suggestions, etc. If I find an example of the notes, I will attach it later.

It was easy to send notes to the health care team using the patient portal, but even slipping the note to the receptionist worked. Just be sure to tell the provider about the notes. You might be amazed how things get lost between the front desk and the exam room.

The notes allowed the provider to probe where needed and also clarify the accuracy of the situation. DH and also my mom are not always forthcoming.