A day for yourself

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

I feel like I need at least one 24hour period all to myself to do as I want when the fancy strikes. I am constantly working or trying to care for mom and others trying to force me into social interactions with people who just don't understand "no, I'm exhausted from caring for mom, I want to be alone."

I have so many things that I want to do that have been on hold for years, some as long ago as 2018. I want to spend time doing the things I like without time constraints but that just cannot happen as I'm mom's caregiver and also working full time.

Have any of you gotten a day away from it all? How did you get it and was it beneficial for you?

jfkoc

Oh, yes. A day to not even get dressed.

jfkoc

HollyBerry

Yes!! You need to do this!!

I hate even mentioning it because I know so many people don't have this opportunity, but my partner's sister insisted she come to visit for 3 weeks. It was actually too long, and it was a tough time for both of them. On the other hand, it was the first time I spent the night alone in our house since 2017. It took me a week to "come down" from the level of stress I'd been thinking wasn't all that bad. I doubt I'll ever have this chance again (lengthy respite).

I don't know your situation. Do you have a relative who could come stay for 24 hours, or even 12? Can you create an (imaginary) overnight work conference that you "have " to attend? Do you want time in your house or away from it?

If you can figure out any possible way to get some respite, you should. It sucks to feel trapped in your own life.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

Hi HollyBerry. I have no idea if anyone could do something like that; extended family seems to only help when they feel like it and not when we ask. That might have changed, I haven't really spoken with any of them practically for over a year, been so busy with mom and work and trying to not have a mental breakdown.

We used to have in-home caregivers come in and help out but turnover is of course very high, especially when they keep sending us the new kids with zero dementia experience.

I do have a friend who takes multiple staycations at nearby hotels who constantly invites me to stay a night. However if I go, no one else is available to care for mom.

It might be the depression talking but I totally agree with Jfkoc with not having a need to change clothes sounds like a good way to reduce stress. Alas, my pj's are too cold to stay in all day without multiple blankets haha.

GothicGremlin

I'm in a different place now than you are. My sister is in memory care, so I do get some time off. Even so, I don't go very far, "just in case."

Prior to that, when Peggy was home, she wasn't safe to be left alone. But like you, I needed "just a day" to calm down and do something else.

I never could manage to get 24 full hours, but I could get some hours. I had a couple of home health aides that I rotated through and I had one stay late one night so that I could go to my old goth club. For a few hours I danced, hung out with old friends, and essentially didn't think about dementia. Being able to tune out the world, listen to music I like, not talk about dementia.... it did me a world of good. I was kind of shocked at how good I felt the next day.

So I guess what I'm saying is - even if you can't get a full 24 hours, take whatever hours you can get, go somewhere else, and do something that matters to you. You'll really thank yourself.