Musings

Iris L.

The Twelve Steps and me

It's a good thing I am not an alcoholic, because over the past few days I have felt like I needed a drink. And needing to drink is the road to alcoholism. My life was in turmoil and I had to figure something out to help myself. I asked myself, could the 12 Steps of AA help me? I thought, "why not?"

Step 1: I realized that I am powerless over the message board, and my life had become unmanageable.

I can't go on living like this, in a rut.

Step 2: I came to believe that a power greater than me could restore me to sanity.

This higher power is the message board, and it has already helped me live functionally with memory loss.

Step 3: I decided to turn my will and my life over to God as I understand Him.

I have to return to what I know works. I know that the message board is not God, but God is in the message board, and the wisdom of the message board is what works. I learned very important principles that have guided me in distressing times.

A very important principle is that stress and anxiety make my cognition worse. Yes, this is true. I learned this from Alan in Colorado.

Another principle is to keep going, because there are people here who need help, help that they can't find elsewhere. It is my mission to help people affected by dementia, so I have to be in a mental and emotional position to help them. I can't stay in a rut. I learned this from Michael Ellenbogen.

Another principle is not to take distressing statements or actions of the powers that be personally, no matter how manipulative or disrespectful they are. I am not a child who needs digital toys or competition to encourage me to help other people. I learned this from many members.

Already I have begun to feel a bit better. The proof of the pudding will be in how much of my daily activities I can resume. I don't want to be in a rut.

Iris

Iris L.

This thread is not only for me. Everyone is welcome to post their musings!

eaglemom

Bravo Iris. This is very well thought through and expressed.

I'm glad your starting to feel better. You recognized you were in a rut & have changed that. That is such a positive action forward. Good for you.

Let me add one thing - take a deep cleansing breath. I personally find when I'm under stress that I don't breath deeply, and that isn't a good thing.

eagle

Jo C.

Iris, what a wonderful sharing and personal philosophy. You have been part of this wonderfully supportive place for a very long time. I have always admired and respected you and all you do for the Members.

Your wisdom is priceless and along with the encouragement and support you provide based on your life experience has helped many. AND . . . now you have re-created MUSINGS for the Members who enjoyed using that Forum; what a lovely and helpful thing to do. So glad you have found your comfortable space. It gives the term, "Power Point," a whole new meaning!

J.

ladyzetta

Iris. I am glad you started this, it give's us a place to come share or thoughts. You have been one for giving a lot of good things to think about. Right now with this change I have felt so lost.

Eagle. I take a few deep breaths every day. It does help.

Hugs Zetta

noranoler

I'm also glad your starting to feel better Iris!!!

Last Dance

FROM: Last Dance

Iris, what you have said is very true.

I have to return to what I know works. I know that the message board is not God, but God is in the message board, and the wisdom of the message board is what works. I learned very important principles that have guided me in distressing times.

 

God works through people, and there are a lot of great people on this board that offer advice, and there will be a lot more that will your need advice.

However, that being said you cannot let the frustrations that you feel from the new format rule your life. Take a deep breath and just tell yourself it is what it is. We still have the function to offer advice to those who need it and that's the most important thing of all. It is a shame that our avatars are so small you can't read them and it's a shame our names are so small you can't read them, but truly in the grand scheme of things these are very small compared to what we are all facing each day with those that we love, and for those that we want to help. Remember what Jesus said do not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will have enough worries of its own, and certainly this is so true for all caregivers. So, on the days the board frustrates you just don't come to it, or maybe just read one or two posts and answer them, you are in charge, do not let the board rule your life.

God's blessings to you, may He give you strength and patience to face each and every one of your battles.

Richard

Last Dance

FROM: Last Dance

Iris, what you have said is very true.

I have to return to what I know works. I know that the message board is not God, but God is in the message board, and the wisdom of the message board is what works. I learned very important principles that have guided me in distressing times.

 

God works through people, and there are a lot of great people on this board that offer advice, and there will be a lot more that will need advice.

However, that being said you cannot let the frustrations that you feel from the new format rule your life. Take a deep breath and just tell yourself it is what it is. We still have the function to offer advice to those who need it and that's the most important thing of all. It is a shame that our avatars are so small you can't read them and it's a shame our names are so small you can't read them, but truly in the grand scheme of things these are very small compared to what we are all facing each day with those that we love, and for those that we want to help. Remember what Jesus said do not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will have enough worries of its own, and certainly this is so true for all caregivers. So, on the days the board frustrates you just don't come to it, or maybe just read one or two posts and answer them, you are in charge, do not let the board rule your life.

God's blessings to you, may He give you strength and patience to face each and every one of your daily battles battles.

Richard

Iris L.

Yes, deep breaths are also cleansing! I went to a park today to breathe in fresh air and found a baby turtle on the sidewalk, almost dead. I rescue animals. So I brought him home and hydrated him, then went to the market to get him some romaine lettuce. I don't know if he'll make it because although he is moving, he is sluggish. I sent out some emails to turtle people for advice. We'll see.

Lorita

We're alike in loving all animals, Iris. That little guy was there for you to find and care for. Animals are a comfort and and he will be for you, too. It's been a frustrating week for all of us. Relax and help your little turtle recuperate.

.

Ed1937

Iris, congrats on figuring out how to deal with things. And on top of that, you got the Musings going! I'd say you have 2 wins there.

Joydean

Iris so glad you started the Musings thread! Even happier that you are feeling better. And oh rescuing that little turtle! All animals are a blessing, personally most time I prefer animals . My daughter gave me a plate that says “animals welcome, people tolerated “ take care of yourself!

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

loveskitties

Major changes are always a jolt to our minds...we just have to get past the initial crisis it causes and become determined to overcome the obstacles.

Knowing that the steps forward have meaning to ourselves and others helps.

We all need to lean on others at times...emotional support is imperative for our well being.

I subscribe to Lady T's philosophy...being grateful for even the small things helps.

God willing, we will have the dawning of another day to put our foot forward thru the challenges.

Another Day

I've always heard that there are no atheists in foxholes. We are in a battle of sorts to maintain our sanity, give the best care we know how to our loved one and get up and do it all again tomorrow. I could not do this without God. I also could not do it without all of you. When I first came to this site I was so afraid and feeling so isolated. I'd tell you that God sent me here because I had been praying for His help, for Him to guide me,,,,show me what I needed to see and hear. He answered. You all sharing your wisdom, understanding, love and compassion have helped me tremendously. So now, I thank Him for you all and consider you to be a blessing in my life.

ladyzetta

Iris. How is the baby turtle?

Lorita

Hi, Do any of you ever feel overwhelmed with what we have to deal with every day? Today I'm feeling like that. FedEx delivered two heavy boxes of cat and dog food but left it outside the yard so I had to get it into the house using a dolly. I had ordered some things from Amazon and tracked them and found three of the items I ordered weren't being shipped - no charge so called to find out why. Always frustrating to try to get to talk with a human at Amazon. Finally did so felt better about that.

Last night I found a baggie in the refrigerator with a thick slice of homemade bread in it that had molded. I threw it in the trash. Sheena and Stormy (Great Pyrenees) slept outside last night but I let them in this morning. Two or three hours later I found a very molded piece of bread on the kitchen floor and started looking. One of them had gotten the baggie out of the trash and tore it open and evidently ate the bread. The whole slice was gone - I had found a small piece of another slice. I checked on google and it said it could be bad for them - making them sick. Called my vet and he said it wasn't likely it would bother them - no need to give them Pepto Bismol or anything. So, felt better. It just seems that things pile up and sometimes it just gets to be too much. I don't know if this is something that should be posted on Musings but maybe so. Just had to vent - just gets very hard sometimes. Sometimes this is even harder than it was when I was caregiving - but then, I was younger and had someone with me. Sorry for this if it's in the wrong place.

BethL

Thanks for starting this thread, Iris! We all have hard days, hard times and we can support one another. One of my hard times was when my mom had dementia and became my responsibility. Not as hard as having a spouse with dementia, but i was bad. I won't go over it here again; you all get the idea. Another hard time was when my teenage son was doing some criminal activities. (Now he is 40 and doing fine.) Right now, life is pretty good and I am grateful. I am grateful for this thread and the Friends thread too. Thanks all who contribute!

Beth

Iris L.

Unfortunately, the little guy didn't make it. He was barely moving when I found him and he never touched the food I put out for him. Where I found him, there are a lot of adult turtles, so there might be more baby turtles. I sent out emails to turtle rescue and to our local Animal Care Center to see what can be done for the other turtles. No response as of yet.

One of the advice that I see often on these boards is to get away from daily activities. Today I visited the Marine Mammal Care Center, which rescues injured or malnourished or abandoned seals and sea lions and rehabilitates them, to be returned to the sea. So fascinating! They also rescue sea birds caught in oil spills.

I also visited an Aquarium, which has a touch pool to touch sea urchins, starfish and sea anemones. The highlight of the visit was hatching grunion. Grunion are the only fish that lay eggs on shore in the sand, after high tide after a full moon. They usually hatch after the next high tide after a new moon. With the use of baby food jars, we were able to activate the eggs to hatch into hundreds of tiny fish! It was amazing!

I met several new people and learned of another group that offers activities for seniors. The season is ending now, but they will pick up again in the fall. Socialization is a part of Best Practices. I know I spend a lot of time indoors by myself. Much of this is the fault of Covid restrictions. But I feel like it's time to start anew and get out again.

I don't know why some people resist senior centers. I'm looking forward to going.

Iris L.

More Musings

The Circus

I just got invited to go to the circus tonight, on short notice. But then the invitation was rescinded. I was not interested in going to the circus. I have a theory about things like this. I think we are excited about them when we are young, when we first experience them. But in adulthood, they seem boring. But if we have a child or grandchild to introduce to the circus, or other experiences, they become exciting to us again. I just can't envision myself laughing at clowns at this time.

Iris

GothicGremlin

Oh wow, Iris, I'd forgotten all about grunion! Maybe they're a southern California thing because I definitely remember them as child (I'm originally from southern California). Good memories.

I've never been a fan of circuses or zoos, even as a child. I don't like to see animals in cages or being forced to perform.

Iris L.

GG, this circus doesn't have animals, it's more about acrobats and clowns.

toolbeltexpert

Iris sometimes we are the Turtle! We get and give the nourishment. Sometimes I get sometimes I give. You are definitely in a battle. I find you have a different perspective because of Alzheimers. I want to encourage you to continue to read and post. I want and need the same encouragement.

This is a part of my testimony. Please know I didn't go to church till I was 45, I didn't have a bible till I was 45 yo, but about a year after I asked God to forgive me and if He was there I wanted to know Him, that was my very first prayer. About a year after that prayer I prayed for God to give me something to help me with depression. It's too long to post all of it. But God answered that prayer instantly. He was there and is now and wants me to know that He hears my cry. He gave me psalm 34 and told me to memorize it. I still repeat it sometimes multiple times a day. The words in psalm 34 talk about His faithfulness to us. I know this to be true, it doesn't mean I don't struggle, but I don't do it alone and seeking wise counsel by coming here is good or I wouldn't come here.

Stewart