Caregiving advice

lborz

Hello ,

My husband and I are at the beginning stages of caregiving for my mother in law . She lives with her husband . We work full time . My husband gives her meds in the morning and night . We took her keys . She has stopped washing her hair and does not change her clothes as much as before . She needs help washing hair and cutting nails . However resists help from most people. She has completely stopped cooking and is only interested in eating ice cream and sweets . She is aware that she forgets things but still thinks she has cooked for her husband and paid bills . We have started meals on wheels . How do we start the next step ? I am thinking a nurse or aid . However my mother in law and her husband are very against this and my husband does not feel like it is worth the fight right now.

Any advice would be very much appreciated .

Thanks ,

Leah

M1

Welcome to the forum Leah. A key question is going to be who has power of attorney for her, if anyone. the logical person would be her husband, unless you have questions about his cognitive abilities also; if he is also refusing help, that may be a red flag. If he has the POA and/or if it has not been addressed, you and your husband probably need to consult a certified elder law attorney (CELA) as soon as possible (look at nelf.org). A CLEA. can help be sure their legal and financial affairs are in order so that they can both get the care they need. You will not be able to influence their decisions unless you have the POA. One way to approach it may be to say that you and your husband are updating your own paperwork and get them to buy in that way, too.

Good luck, these things are never easy. I'm sure others will chime in also. But convincing them is one thing, having the legal power to do something about it is another.

JustPyrfect

Hello Leah - I agree with the POA as the first step. You’ll need to be prepared for them to push, back but it’s necessary for you to move forward with keeping them safe. The way I got around this was by having it written so it became effective when she was “unable to make her own decisions”. It was easy enough to invoke, as her physician definitely was onboard and the diagnosis of “Alzheimer’s “ was already in her medical record (I also have medical & HIPPA POA). I didn’t need her consent to ask him, and it’s made things much easier. Good luck!