Vascular dementia

CanyonGal

End of the road, stage 7 or still stage 6, really doesn't matter anymore.

I visit my mother several times a year. We live in different states. I have watched her decline over the last 4 years with vascular dementia. I have been here for her surgeries, doctor appointments, to move her to different rooms, from assisted living to MC.

She was hospitalized last month for 10 days and just continues to decline. I arrived yesterday and she wasn't sure who I was but today knows (I think) that I am her daughter and my husband is the "son-in-law". She has lost our names, doesn't know or recognize family members or husband in pictures, and is bed bound due to the weight loss. She looks like a skeleton. I don't know how she is surviving with no nutrition. I would think her body would collapse. She wants to get up to go to the bathroom but doesn't understand she is unable to walk anymore, not enough strength to sit up or roll to her side without assistance. She is unable to sit in the wheelchair,but keeps asking to get out of bed.

It just heartbreaking. One more push, infection or heart attack or kidney failure, and I think it will be over. Just too much, too soon, within last two months. I thought I could handle it but I just feel drained at this point. I read the last stage can be a year, and I just can't imagine a year.

Shan

CanyonGal, I’m so sorry you are going through this with your mom, it’s an excruciating way to lose our mothers and anyone we love. I too am going through the daily grief of slowly losing my mom to dementia. She was formally diagnosed in 2021 but we’ve seen signs, especially in retrospect for years prior. She’s still in the mid to mid-late stages, so I am not as far along as you are, being at the last stages with your mom. But I can empathize with your fears about how much longer does my mom need to suffer with this disease and how much longer will I be on this sad rollercoaster of emotions: I don’t think I’ve cried as much in my entire 56 years alive as I have these last couple years and I know I more than likely have several more years of this pain. Losing a LO to dementia is such a horrible long grieving process as the disease continues to take more and more of them away from us and as it year after year makes our LO’s lives so unbearably sad to watch. Unfortunately this disease does not come with any instructions telling us how to get through it and it doesn’t follow any time line so we know when the pain will end, all we can do is continue to reach out for support from family and friends and the caring people on this chat board, they have been amazing support for my mental health. Cry when you need to, laugh when you can, and remember you are not alone; there are many of us crying with you, I’m one of them. Sending hugs.

harshedbuzz

Canyon Girl-

This stage is so sad. I wish you strength and peace.

HB

CanyonGal

Spent 4 days spoon feeding and offering drinks, and noticed a change in what she could swallow and general appearance. I thought to myself, she's dying. I don't know how I knew, just knew the process had started.

We thought we could take a break from this emotional whirlwind but not even 24 hrs down the road we received a call late at night of breathing changes, unable to swallow meds, and hospice marking her as imminent.

So, turning the road trip back to her facility to confront the new normal of labored breathing,pain being controlled by morphine, and body shutting down. I just want a peaceful death and God to wrap her in his arms and take her home.

Quilting brings calm

I’m so sorry. Both you and Beachfan are dealing with this transition. please rest as you can.

Shan

Canyongal, I am so sorry you are going through this. Prayers that God wraps you in his arms as you grieve too. Take care of yourself and know you are not alone in your grief.

harshedbuzz

Wishing you strength and peace as you experience this final stage.

HB

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m so sorry. We cannot truly prepare for the end, even if we’ve wished for their pain, and our discomfort to end. My thoughts are with you.