Reposting for Oldestdaughter2023

towhee

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New to this site and dealing with my mom’s symptoms getting worse. She is almost 81 and was diagnosed in Jan 2021 With mild cognitive impairment. Now that the short term memory issues are worse my dad needs more help. My sister and I live near them and agreed to help my dad more. We have a brother and another sister out of state. All of their legal docs are in place but now we need to be more involved in the day to day to help my Dad. He is in a bit of denial about what she is able to do. We have gradually become more involved without overstepping but now we need to! He has aged a lot the past year and tries to put on the face that everything is ok. He is physically and mentally sharp but for how long??? All of my sibs and I have offered many options and suggestions on different living options from a villa that offers step up care to in home help. He is overwhelmed with all of the options so he doesn’t want to do anything. He is in one place and she is in another. We all have friends that have been through this with various situations. We all are grieving what we had and want to do the right thing. He wants to take her on a road trip to Florida this summer. 3 days in the car. They went to AZ for a month this winter. We all worry about him driving long distances and getting into an accident or having a medical issue and my mom not knowing what to do. My husband says we all need to tell my Dad it isn’t a good idea. We have in the past and he still does what he wants,,,

when will we all stop acting like we are teenagers and afraid of Dad and just take control. We are all adults in our 50’s still afraid of Dad,!!! Love them both but that is the dynamic.

how do we as adults manage and help the transition😏

towhee

A couple of suggestions- you or your sibling might consider staying for 2 or 3 days with your parents to get a better idea of their care needs and the dynamics going on. Then get together and agree on only a couple choices so that your father does not feel overwhelmed. Check out the finances and other requirements of your choices before you suggest them. Present them as a trial, not something that is permanent if possible. Care needs change over the course of the disease, you might start with in home care or adult day care.

As to the trip, it was hard getting my LO to make a 45 minute trip to a restaurant once she reached early middle stage, so I don't have any info there. There are a lot of threads about travel, use the search feature, put in "traveling with dementia" and make sure to click the search button.