Colt 99 First week of MC

Colt99

MC move in and first week.

I don’t post here often but I do read a lot. If you have shared your MC move story over the past several years, I have probably found it in my research (old platform) and I thank you for sharing. I will focus on the actual move and first week now and will include the planning and preparation in another post.

DW is well into stage 6 needing help with dressing, eating, bathing and toileting. The only medication she takes is one Seroquel in the evening. She still recognizes immediate family and is aware of her surrounds. She is still very mobile and social and loves to meet neighbors on walks. Her conversations don’t go anywhere beyond the greeting however.

The fiblet I settled on was that I was to have a medical procedure and would be hospitalized for considerable time. Our son and daughter both live in the immediate area and have been supportive and helpful in this process. They had a few days to set up the room and on move day I took DW for a typical drive and explained there was another senior center that we could visit for a music event. Once inside I took her to their living room area where it was quiet and explained that it was time for me to have this procedure (I had been talking about a “procedure” for some time) and she would stay here in this nice place that is kind of like a hotel in her own room. Of course, the anxiety and questions began to flow so I took her to see her room. Our daughter was already in the room and that helped the anxiety level somewhat. After admiring the room and all her favorite things, we moved on to the next activity which was a slide show tour of a region of India immediately followed by visiting musicians. She thoroughly enjoyed the music. We all went back to the room being positive about the program, the facility, and her room. I then soon faded from the picture and left her with our daughter. No big goodbye. DW and daughter then went to dinner and sat with two other residents and enjoyed pleasant chit chat. Our daughter then left and the staff took over.

I wish I could say things went smoothly but it was a rough night for DW. As I checked in during the night with the staff, they described her as very anxious and couldn’t settle down. She basically sat in her chair all night nervous and asking question. Obviously, it was a lousy night for me as well. Most frustrating is the anxiety medication the RN had anticipated wasn’t available.

Our son arrived around 9:00 am and found her still in her pajamas and a blanket in her chair. She was definitely upset but able to settle down and he helped her dress and they went on with the day minus breakfast. Our son spent a couple of hours in the morning and our daughter arrived again in the afternoon around meal time. Their tag team approach has been great. It helps DW feel she is not alone or forgotten and it gives me visibility of what is going on. With each day her agitation and anxiety have grown less and less. In the first week she was given Ativan twice to help calm her down.

On day four I talked with DW while our daughter was visiting (DW does not have her own phone). DW concerned about the procedure and was I OK. Lots of assurances and then repeated questions. It was good to talk to her. On day five I actually visited her. Fiblet now goes – it is a long procedure but I can get away for a break. Our daughter was also there and it was good to reassure her that I was doing well and that she is in a great place. On day six I visited on my own and she was upset, began crying, and then bloody nose. It took a bit to calm down and go through the questions again. We were able to walk, talk, and look at spring blooms on the trees. I then went to the next activity with her and then slipped out. On day seven I arrived while she was still in the dining room and I did receive a warm greeting. Again, lots of questions but accepting that I am there on a break and will be returning to continue the procedure. Visit went well and I again slipped out during the next activity.

Overall, this week went as well as I could have hoped for DW. I can see a path forward where she feels comfortable in her new home. On the other hand, what it does to the caregiver to come home to a lonely, empty house still so full of her presence is crushing. This is truly a tough journey. I owe a huge thank you to those who have gone ahead.

Joe C.

Colt, Glad your fiblet is working and hope your wife transition continues is a positive direction. I certainly can relate to the “lonely & empty” house. I had a real difficult time being alone in the house initially but friends & family were great about inviting my for lunch, dinner, whatever in those early day. In time I adjusted to being alone in the house but I still see her in every corner & miss her every day, it just hurt a little less these days. Good luck.

M1

Glad you posted your experience Colt and hope her adjustment continues well. Yes, the quiet house and the sense of her presence are something that persist (I'm a year in). Staying busy does help, my worst times are when I have too much time to think about it. I hope the memories one day will be comforting but for now they are sweet but torturous.