Spouse with dementia and parkinson’s

mwarnecke2

Morning guys. Having a lot of frustration and trouble coping with husband’s moderate dementia. I believe he has now gone into the next “phase”. No sign of affection or caring towards me, I.e. no hugs, kisses or recognition of me. Then out of the blue he gets mean and nasty blaming me for watering my plants, that he’s the boss of me and I’d better mind my place if I want to continue living here.

How do I cope with this and not feel like crawling in a corner.

Marta

This is concerning. Do you feel unsafe?

Ed1937

I'm sorry it's so hard. If he is getting mean and nasty with you, and that's something new, you might want to mention it to his doctor. It's possible that something simple like a UTI could cause things like that, even if there are no typical symptoms associated with it. If you have him checked for a UTI, please ask for a culture to be done with it. The culture will give them the best information on the best antibiotic to use in that particular case. I hope it's something simple, rather than progression.

Another Day

I don't know if what I did was correct or not. I was in that same situation a couple years back. My DH was being nasty and threatening divorce every other day. Needless to say it kept me very upset. He also thought he had to instruct me on how to do absolutely everything. He called it suggestions, I can't politely say here what I thought about it. B-U-T I called his bluff one day after, yet again, he was threatening me with divorce. I called a lawyer right in front of him, the one who has handled all of our legal stuff for years. I explained to the secretary that my husband and I would like for the lawyer to handle our divorce. The lawyer wasn't in and it was a week before the secretary phoned back. I haven't heard a peep about divorce since.

Affection - what is that, haven't had any for multiple years now. Just criticism because I don't do anything correctly. His other current favorite is that I'm taking over. This disease is Ugly with a capital U.

I will caution you to be on your guard, my DH has gone physical a time or three and I've moved out of our bedroom to a guest room upstairs with doors that I can lock at night. I need somewhere to get away from his behaviors and feel safe.

You can talk about that here too - if your DH has gone physically abusive. You'll get the help and support you need.

mwarnecke2

Thank you Another day!! This is exactly what i am feeling. Not physical yet, but…. How do you cope with feeling everything is directed at you.

M1

Hi Mwarnecke. If you feel threatened at all, you need to let his doctors know immediately and have a plan for your own safety. These things can turn on a dime (mine did about a year ago that landed my partner in memory care). Medications may help, but you cannot take a chance with your own safety. Period. Good luck.