Memory Book for LO?

BookBuffBex

Has anyone made a memory book for your loved one with memory loss? The speech/cognitive therapist at AL started one for my mom, but it's extremely basic and is just a few sheets of paper clipped together on their coffee table. Mom reads the NYTimes daily and and throws sections onto the coffee table. so these sheets get buried. I put together something a bit nicer, put it in a binder so it doesn't get lost among all the other stuff on the table. My mother's short term memory is completely gone. Hearing she has memory issues is news to her every time. So I'm wondering if having this binder on the table labeled as a "memory book" will even do any good? TIA

M1

It probably depends on the degree of memory loss you're dealing with. I have tried on several occasions to go through old photos with my partner and she no longer recognizes people, places (including homes she built) or pets from her past. I prepared a detailed biography with pictures for the staff when my partner went into memory care and also gave her a copy of it. She doesn't recognize it as being about her and asks where it came from, who it was about. Broke my heart. But we are moving facilities soon, and I plan to give a copy to the new facility as well.

jfkoc

I sometimes think asking a person with declining memory to remember is not a good thing and if something is remembered it is only for a moment.

harshedbuzz

What's your intent?

Are you planning to use the book as a kind of therapeutic tool in an attempt to jog her memory? Or are you thinking it might be a pleasant pastime for her or a way in which to engage her when you spend time together.

I would not be reminding her of her poor memory. It can only serve to make her feel bad or perhaps destroy her trust in you as she likely has anosognosia making the revelation fell like gaslighting. For this reason, I would not label it "Memory Book".

My dad enjoyed looking at old pictures occasionally but not for long. He mostly liked pictures of himself as a handsome young man, of he and mom as a young couple and of his brother. He lived in the past but it was selective. He recognized my sister's kids, but not my husband of 30+ years. He mistook his urologist for my son.

HB

BookBuffBex

I'm following the lead of the therapist and some online resources to provide information. My main goal with the memory book is to answer frequently asked questions - What's the address here? What are we doing for meals? Where is the dog?

She's still really good at using resources to look up answers to questions (she googles everything, uses the newspaper or her phone to figure out the date, etc. ,I'm hoping the memory book can be another resource for her.

Maybe instead of calling it a memory book, I should call is FAQ's or something like that.

jfkoc

Ah,,,totally different from what I was thinking.

M1

that is different. Sounds like you and the therapist are hoping that a written guide will provide answers to repetitive questions. It might be worth a try, but I wouldn't hold out a lot of hope. A lot of us have tried to provide written cues--for example, when it got difficult for my partner to remember the day of the week (which mattered in terms of her being able to take her own medications from a weekly pill box I set up), I tried to help her by giving her a daily calendar that had both the date and the day of the week on it. She couldn't follow that, either, for very long, so ultimately it didn't help. You may not know until you try.

GothicGremlin

Right. What everyone else said. Also, different things work at different stages.

In my sister's case, she would have been able to use something like your memory/FAQ book back in 2019, but now, she wouldn't be able to read it, let alone comprehend anything in it. So depending on what stage your mom is at, it might work just fine. I'd give it a try.

Ed1937

I think just about anything is worth a try. But I wouldn't have anything there to give her the feeling it is about memory. Bringing up problems with memory is a losing battle. Let her be as happy as she can be without constantly thinking about memory problems. FAQs for the book title is excellent! Just be careful how you word things that she will read. And "Do you remember" is another thing to try to avoid, but it's not easy. Instead of "Do you remember", use "I was just thinking about when......". Then she will probably reply to it with no problem.

harshedbuzz

This sounds similar to the strategy many family caregivers use by employing a white board with this kind of information as a way to extract themselves from answering the same questions over and over again. This could be useful for a time-- it depends on the stage and what purpose the question serves.

Using a graphic organizer of some kind can be reassuring for some PWD for a time so it is definitely worth a try. You may find that she can still make sense of what she reads but can do the reasoning needed to recognize that she needs to look at the book for her answer and require a verbal prompt from a caregiver. If she enjoys finding the answer herself, that's great. But if she feels she's being blown off, when asking for help it could serve to agitate her.

That said, one thing I noticed about my dad at a certain point was that his language losses were primarily pragmatic (social use of language). His vocabulary and ability to speak were remarkable but his ability to use language to connect with others was iffy at best. I believe some of the questions were an attempt to engage others to pay him attention because he'd lost the ability to entertain himself.

HB

WilliamC

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/170121#Comment_170121

Curious about what you think about a similar memory/scrapbook concept but more of an interactive digital album where someone can upload photos and narrate the stories behind them.

My grandmother passed away from Alzheimer's in 2019, and now my mom is showing early signs, so I want to be proactive this time around to help her and our family preserve memories. This book is so the whole family can go over our memories in one place.

I couldn't find anything that's similar to this so I figured I could code something, I made a basic page where she can add photos and record her narration and I was thinking of turning it into a real hardcover book or a slideshow online with narration, whichever is easier, thoughts?

Love to get everyone in this thread's thoughts about this and ways I can help preserve my mother's memories for her and our family especially insights I'm not aware of like not reminding her of poor memory in later stages possibly ruining trust between her and us. I would love to learn more about everyone's experiences with trying to create a memory-type book

Emily 123

I think there are some great ideas on here. And it would be of real value to have PWD record their memories and stories before they fade. I had my mom label a big box of family photos, and I'm so glad she did, as she really has to try hard now to identify people from her past beyond a certain age--she recognizes them from earlier photos, but it's harder for her when they look older. Now it's a bit of a challenge, so I don't push her to do it.

Bex, If mom can still google, she can probably use a reminder book if it catches her eye--she may not remember to refer to it, but if it's in her line of sight it might work.

sunnydove

My grandma had Alzheimer's in the 1990s. At the time I put together a special photo album for her to enjoy. I asked everyone in the family to send me their favorite pictures of her as well as their favorite memories. I used questions to prompt the memories like: LO taught me..., My favorite memory with LO is...., LO is (list attributes, traits)..., Those few questions alone with all the relatives filled up an album. I added colorful stickers and pictures/illustrations (like if someone said grandma made the best pancakes, I'd put a picture of pancakes, etc) along with photos of her alone or her with family. She LOVED it. My aunt who cared for her at the time said she looked at it every day until the very end. So when my mom got Alzheimer's I made one for her as well. Sadly, I did not have nearly the response or interest so I just made it all up. I got a few measly quotes from her sisters, but the rest was just me filling in the blanks. But she enjoys it just as much. I printed photos out from family facebook pages, as well as using tons of old photos from her youth. One bonus of making it up is I got to include "quotes" from her parents. The front page says, "For LO, the most loving, beautiful, creative, ambitious, silly and lovable mom, daughter, sister, wife, friend. We LOVE you!" Then I have the following sections: LO is beautiful (with pics from infant to current and quotes from loved ones saying how beautiful she is, LO is brave and ambitious (with pictures and memories/quotes of all she's accomplished), LO is silly (with pics of her being ridiculous and laughing with family), LO is artistic (she was an artist by profession so this includes pictures of her art and art shows with quotes), LO is a celebrity (she was in the paper a lot as a kid/young adult in a small town and then later with some accomplishments so this has clippings), LO is loved by dogs (with pics of all the dogs she has had from youth to adult as well as silly quotes from the dogs like she gives the best snacks or I love sleeping at her feet), LO is a true friend (with pics and quotes from friends throughout her life), LO is a daughter/sister/aunt/wife/mom/grandma (with pics and quotes respectively - my father passed years ago but I put loving quotes from him) and then ended it with LO is loved (with pics of her being hugged, kissed and quotes about how loved she is.) She really loves going through it. Sometimes from start to finish. Sometimes she will get hung up on one section and just reread pieces over and over. It's a great way for her to remind her of all she's accomplished, to assure her she's loved, to revisit parts of her life and reclaim her memories. It's all in a big, traditional photo album so she can easily go though it whenever she likes.

harshedbuzz

@WilliamC said:

My grandmother passed away from Alzheimer's in 2019, and now my mom is showing early signs, so I want to be proactive this time around to help her and our family preserve memories. This book is so the whole family can go over our memories in one place.

IME, that sounds like it might not be a single project. You might consider a book for her with images of the people who have been close in her life-- her parents and grands, sibs, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, kids and their kids. And then something to remember your family history--specifically mom-- in a digital format. You might want to capture mom's voice as that can be fleeting once a person passes.

I couldn't find anything that's similar to this so I figured I could code something, I made a basic page where she can add photos and record her narration and I was thinking of turning it into a real hardcover book or a slideshow online with narration, whichever is easier, thoughts?

I found my dad became disengaged with technology. A digital non-native, he lost those skills early on. She may not be up to uploading material or be apathetic about the project depending on where in the disease progression she is currently. Dad lost interest in most photographs in the mid-stages of the disease although he did like showing people pictures of himself when he was young and handsome. We gave dad a digital frame which was a bust. He had to be prompted to engage with it and then complained about people who were "missing" as the file became larger and his favorites appeared less often. YMMV. I understand some of these can play video clips, but I'm not sure about sound. Mom enjoys the frame now and my niece and I have fun uploading pictures remotely to see if she notices.

Love to get everyone in this thread's thoughts about this and ways I can help preserve my mother's memories for her and our family especially insights I'm not aware of like not reminding her of poor memory in later stages possibly ruining trust between her and us. I would love to learn more about everyone's experiences with trying to create a memory-type book

I'm just going to add this caveat-- one of the earliest manifestations of dad's dementia was his tendency to conflate memories. Confabulations are when a PWD can recall something that happened but not the who-what-when-where-details of the story. These conflated memories can seem very plausible to someone who hadn't been through the experience with the PWD. But to someone who has-- especially if the content has a darker side-- it can be hurtful and feel like re-writing family history. YYMV.

My mom doesn't have dementia, but as she reaches her final lap, she is processing a lot of her past and sharing some stories, perspectives and context that are uncomfortable or even difficult to hear. Some days after spending time with mom, I'd like to go home and bleach my brain. Two of my friends have had similar issues with an elderly parent getting things off their chests-- one with dementia, the other not. Maybe your mom will be all kittens and sunshine; my mom's dear sister never went to a dark place. Even her delusions and hallucinations were pleasant.

Dad, on the other hand, twisted stories because of the details he was missing details and was relating more of the emotional content. His most infamous incident was the time he told my then high school aged son about the time I went to a bar and left "the girls" behind to go off with some man I'd just met for some sex and he had to come and take the kids. My dad's sister and mine had mental health issues and this story seems to be a mash-up of something that actually happened in his life-- but not exactly as he recalls it. Fortunately, DS, who is an only child, didn't accept it as fact but he struggled with what felt like an unfair accusation and it colored their relationship for a while.

HB