GROUP HOMES

TroyH9 · April 2023

I am 55 with EO and i am still working for now and I have applied for disability retirement through my work. I was wondering if there are any group homes for someone like me to live. I don't think my DW is being able to handle the changes that are going on with me especially my agitation. I live in Lancaster county Pennsylvania?

Iris L. · April 2023

Troy, you've brought up several issues and I will attempt to address each one.

Often a spouse notices changes in the PWD and believes the changes are deliberate and are a reflection of the marriage. She is unaware that the changes are due to the degenerative disease process.

Of course, there may be other issues involved that occurred before the dementia. Many times marriage counseling is suggested, but without an understanding of the nature of dementia, marriage counseling is futile. There is an online booklet called Understanding the Dementia Experience which many caregivers read that explains a lot. I don't have a link but it is available.

The agitation that you are experiencing is to be expected. Your brain is trying to cope with your daily activities although it is functioning at a lower capacity. The way to handle this is to make accommodations.

You will have to simplify your life.

You will have to make a steady daily routine for yourself.

You will have to avoid stress and stressful situations. This means even people who are argumentative and who cause you stress.

There are medications that can help your brain function better. They do not cure dementia, but they can help with daily functioning. Better functioning may reduce your agitation. You may have heard of Aricept or Exelon patch. A neurologist can prescribe one or the other.

There are different medications that can be prescribed to help with agitation, if these other measures are not enough. These are special meds and must be prescribed by a specialist.

Be aware that alcohol makes cognition worse. You may have one drink now and then, but steady drinking will be troublesome.

Often financial issues cause marital problems. It is recommended to consult an elder law attorney to manage finances with an idea of preparing for future needs. This is a specialty that regular attorneys are not familiar with.

Are you applying for Social Security Disability Insurance on your own? Some people hire a SSDI attorney for help, because the process can be complicated, and initial refusals are common. Be sure you apply for Compassionate Allowance, which will fast-track your application.

Is your employer aware of your diagnosis, or have you had warnings of poor performance? You might consider taking sick leave until you can complete the SSDI process. This usually requires only a doctor's note, whereas SSDI requires a lot of documentation and takes some time.

As far as a group home, there are small group homes, usually licensed for 6-8 residents. Or there is an assisted living facility. These are expensive, this is why you need financial counseling. My suggestion to you is not to leave your home without some legal guidance.

Have you contacted your local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association? They provide a wonderful service of counseling for Early Stage patients. They can answer a lot of questions snd guide you to resources in your area. You can call the Helpline and ask to speak with a Care Consultant. This is a social worker with special expertise in dementia care and family dynamics. One is available 24 hours a day and the consultation is entirely FREE. The number of the Helpline is 1-800-272-3900.

So Troy think about all of this and make a plan. Depending on your own circumstances, you might want to ask your wife to join the Spouse/Partner board. They are welcoming and can support her in this difficult time. Please write back if you have more questions.

Iris