Toilet behaviors...

ErikaK

Dad had started putting toilet paper in the trash can instead of the toilet, so I took the trash can out of the bathroom. Then he started putting little balls of paper in the fake plants. So, those are gone from his bathroom. He puts little balls of paper in his pockets, or under the sink now. I have been trying to remind him where the paper goes. To very little affect. Now, he ends up with poop all over his hands, the bar of soap, and the sink. Twice today I've had to throw a poopy bar of soap in the trash and clean poop out of the bathroom sink.

I really thought this would be my line in the sand, having to take care of his toilet hygiene. It's very frustrating, I'm not sure what to do. He still knows when he needs to use the toilet, though he has had some recent accidents. I get upset with him and remind him about germs and infection *he had a bad infection right before he came to live with us in 2020, but then he says he'll go somewhere else. Unfortunately there is nowhere else for him to go, the family is "not prepared for this", it's hard enough to get someone to come stay with him for a few days.

towhee

Umm, I might consider putting the trashcan back in the bathroom again. Sounds better than TP landing under the sink. Unfortunately, it sounds like his days of unsupervised bathroom bowel movements are over. From here he could move on to poop on the walls and furniture and totally not know he is doing anything wrong. I am sorry.

harshedbuzz

ErikaK-

This is very common behavior in PWD around the time they transition from 6b to 6c on the FAST Scale. This is a precursor to the onset of incontinence so you may want to bring in supplies and protect things like his mattress and favorite chair proactively now.

His days of unsupervised toileting are over. He needs assistance in the bathroom in the form of verbal prompts at the very least. If this is your line in the sand, it makes sense to tour MCFs now. If you know family isn't willing to help you but you're willing to keep dad home, look into hiring an aide to provide routine breaks for you.

My aunt was weirdly focused on paper as her dementia progressed. She didn't fuss so much with TP (probably because of her grandfathered-in shared septic meant for summer residents when she lived year round) but damn that woman loved her some Kleenex, straws and napkins. When we cleared out her house all of her pockets were stuffed with tissues. I bought her car which had napkins stashed in every conceivable spot in the interior. I once called AAA to change a flat and when the mechanic went to remove the spare it was well padded by napkins from the local lobster shack.

HB

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. I myself have taken a lot of things out of my parents'bathroom because mom was getting into trouble with whatever was in there.

I'm echoing HB, this is very typical of dementia progressing. My mom started that stage a year ago and it is absolutely maddening that she can't put her trash and tp in the correct locations but that's the reality of it all. I'm constantly finding balls of trash in all the wrong places. We've actually added a few more trashcans around to help us combat her squirreling away trash. Sometimes it's funny; she'll take her tissues and throws them in the laundry basket after we pointed out the trashcan three inches to the left. You just have to laugh or else you'd cry.

This is definitely the point where you'll have to step up the toileting surveillance. You may have to start staying in the bathroom with him while he does his business. Reminding your father about good hygiene is more likely a moot point now than being helpful to him.

Do invest in some good bed pads/mattress protectors to be ready for the incontinence to start because it's a matter of when not if. Also look into incontinence briefs for him to for when he needs them. Some work really well and others don't. A few companies offer a sampler pack you can buy to see which work for him the best and personal preference. Don't call them diapers but special underwear, night time underwear, or something like that, so he can keep his dignity while transitioning from regular underwear to the incontinence briefs.