Need help for Mom in denial

smclellan

My dad has Alzheimer's, and is in stage six. Mom refuses to get help from others, and she is in denial that we need to pay a caregiver to watch out for him. Dad has been such a huge part of her life, and I know that if we get a caregiver, for Mom, it would be like admitting that Dad is going to go soon. Is there anyway to help ease this process or make it easier to help get a caregiver before something bad happens to Dad? He's fallen twice, but luckily, has not suffered any significant injury from them.

towhee

Welcome to the forum and, as we say, sorry you are in the circumstances that bring you here. For various reasons, one or both members of a couple may resist home help. Sometimes it is fear of how much it costs, other times it is because they just do not want anyone in their space, sometimes multiple reasons. The following are some of the persuasions that people have used.

• Make it about something other than care - say that the person coming in is a housekeeper, then the person gradually moves into doing care as well as housekeeping
• make it about the caregiver, not the patient -"I am really worried about you mom, you need to take care of you so you can take care of dad" Sometimes enlisting an authority figure such as a doctor, a minister, or other professional or even a friend can be helpful
• Make it about you- "Mom I miss doing (special thing) with you. Could my friend sit with dad so we could-- " If you can get her used to someone coming in even if just occasionally, it will be easier to move her to someone scheduled.
• Give her a gift of a few days care and tell her it is non-refundable-- Careful with this one though, It is easier for a distant sibling to do this one.
• Convince her that dad needs more socialization than just one person, that a fresh face would be good for him

I cannot tell from your post if your dad is able to leave the home, if he can then it is possible he might benefit from a day program.

About the falling, they can reach a stage where stopping all falls is impossible. But I think you might be worried about her going down with him and both of them getting hurt. You could try contacting the doctor and asking for a PT consult in the home with a focus on fall prevention, and asking the PT to talk with your mom about safety.

Good Luck-