Driving

Jill Florence

My friend has an at home caregiver. She has not driven her car in four months. The aide or I take care of the driving. She had a dead battery which we fixed. Now she wants to drive it, just around the corner. I suggested I drive. She did not want that. She wants to drive with me..I do not want to be in the car with her. Sometimes she is coherent enough to have a rational discussion. Should I be honest? Saying it is dangerous for her to drive. She doesn't agree. Saying I have memory loss, I am not senile.

JJ401

There is no rational discussion that she will remember. A person who sometimes is coherent should not be driving.

You fixed the battery. Unfix something else and do not fix it.

The person who holds the POAs needs to make the car disappear.

M1

JJ is exactly right. Too bad you spent money on the battery.

towhee

Should you tell her that she has memory loss and is therefore not safe to drive? No, that would absolutely not be good. You could say "I know you are a good driver, but we all get older and our reaction times are not as good as they used to be, and all the teenagers are driving crazy because school is out"- or say she has poor vision, or that it has been a while since she drove and you need the doctors OK first, etc. You, as a friend, absolutely do not want the responsibility of letting her drive. Do contact the POA.

Iris L.

PWDs (persons with dementia) have anosognosia--they are unaware of having dementia and that they have declined in abilities. If you confront them with reality, they will resist and become upset. So don't do this. Use the work-arounds to get things done, as suggested above.

Denise1847

Perhaps you could disable something on the car and then tell her it needs to be towed to a mechanic to get it fixed. Once it is out of sight, maybe she would not focus on it. You don't want to be driving with her.

Ricsgirl

My HWD hasn’t driven in about 4 years. We still have his car, and I drive it once a week to keep it running. He’s not really happy about not driving (he thinks he’s fine), but he does recognize that he gets confused and the family all delivers the same message that we don’t want him to hurt himself or anyone else. At some point I’ll get rid of his car, but for now it seems to give him some sort of security to have it sitting in the garage.

Bob in LW

Anyone who has been diagnosed with dementia should not be driving under any circumstances. If they cause an accident, the person with POA could be held personally liable because they did not take steps to keep the person with dementia from driving.

Jill Florence

Thank you so much for all of your comments. Very helpful.