Just a vent

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

I am having a difficult mental health day today and keep oscillating between negative comments about myself in my mind. I'm also struggling with engaging with my mom, I'm just socially tapped out. I am so frustrated.

Now I just found out that the one caregiver I have some animosity with is coming in about half an hour for four hours. I am not in the right mindset for her to be here. She is a fantastic caregiver and I appreciate her support. However, I just cannot converse with her properly. She constantly hounds my younger sister and I about getting paid to watch mom and other things. I haven't gotten a chance to ask her why she keeps bringing it up, like a commission for the company for recruitment or what have you.

I don't know. I'm just feeling so inept and wanting to be alone until it blows over but I'm metaphorically chained to my mom.

Quilting brings calm

Leave the home as soon as she gets there. She is being paid to take care of your mom. Take the break you deserve and don’t engage with her

ladyzetta

I totally agree with Quilting, she is there to take care of your Mom, and as long as you know that is what she is doing, please take the time to get away and get some fresh air take a walk do something just for yourself. Hugs Zetta

mommyandme (m&m)

My first thought when I read your post was to get out of the house, go away from the caregiver and your mom and do you. I hope your day was ok. Set a boundary about money talks with her, let the caregiver know you can’t do it, today or tomorrow or whatever. So sorry.

mlowe6

All of these are great advice. Sometimes as caregivers we just need a timeout. It can be so overwhelming to go thru all this when you love someone but have to be a punching bag for everyone else. If you feel comfortable talking with her when your ready about the money have that conversation and if that doesn’t solve the problem call the caregivers provider and discuss kindly your concerns.

mlowe6

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Anonymousjpl123

I feel metaphorically chained to my mom and gave declared today a sick day for me! I was going to visit (she is in AL): she is safe and will be fine.

Yours will to.

Your vent and general frustration rang so true today. Take a break. She will be fine for 4 hours. Sit somewhere or do something for yourself. Ultimately it is for the health of everyone.

praging for some peace for you.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

I did listen to QBC and as soon as the caregiver got situated I told her that I was going to take the time to "run some errands." Walked around the entire Home and Garden Center, got lunch at my second favorite restaurant, had a short conference call, got some groceries, and took a nap.

I did end up talking with the caregiver when I got home for a short while and the "thing" happened again. It's so benign but it just bothers me, like two gears with one tooth bent ever so slightly. Didn't bring up getting paid to watch mom though.

Victoria: maybe that's what she means. We definitely have issues with understanding each other, I seem to be the one who gets hung up on it.

Anonymousjpl, yes it is so frustrating. Went straight from graduating college to being mom's caregiver because I was the only one who "had time" for it. I was very glad we were able to get a competent caregiver last week.

Mlowe6, thank you. I need frequent timeouts, and alas, like most of us caregivers, can't get them constantly.

Thank you everyone for your insight and well wishes.

GothicGremlin

I'm so glad you were able to get out even for just a short while! It must have felt wonderful. Walking around the Home and Garden Center was probably a mental boost as well - lots of greenery and growing things. Pretty.