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Safety concern

Val2010
Val2010 Member Posts: 11
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Mom has young onset alz. She is obsessed with my dad. Today, while I was in a meeting, she ran outside, flagging down a random car, convinced it was Dad. I ran to her, no, mom we don't know them, you can't do that. I know I'm not supposed to correct her, but I was afraid. What would have been a better way?

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  • Emily 123
    Emily 123 Member Posts: 795
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    I'm glad you were able to catch your mom. I wonder if she's shadowing your dad because he's her safe space? Having him near may be very soothing for her, and she gets panicky when he's not there--He's kind of her frame of reference that's getting her through the day.

    Don't beat yourself up over your reaction--I think I'd do the same. I haven't had my mom do that, but she would wait until I was on work calls, remove the tiny GPS tracker from her coat pocket, and slip out the door.

    I'd try to find some point where you can agree a little with what she's thinking. So for me I'd ask her 'what's up' to find out what she's thinking, then try to soothe the fear (a lot) 'Nope, dad's on his way home from the store and he should be home in the next 20 minutes', and then slide in some agreement & more reassurance 'That does kind of looks like our car, but you know, Dad just called from the store and is on the way home--let's get back inside and wait for Dad, he'll be back soon'. I wish I could be more help about a way to help keep her from panicking other than soothing and distracting her when he's not around, but other posters will have some good suggestions, and if you dig around I bet there are some older threads too. Good luck!

  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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    Unfortunately reasoning is not going to work. Sounds like its time for alarms and locks on the doors. putting slide locks above eye level works for a lot of folks.

  • Marta
    Marta Member Posts: 694
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    Yes, safety first. She could have been run over. When it comes to dangerous situations, having the perfect response takes a back seat. You do what needs to be done to keep her safe. She may need more supervision in addition to the locks on the doors. Let this be a wake-up call for your family. Persons with dementia are safe, until they aren’t. Your Mom is at that point.

    It’s hard, I know. I had the same wake-up call.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more