Update on Mom and Angel

Shan

I thought I’d start a new thread to update how my mom and her dog Angel are getting along in MC and see if anyone has any helpful suggestions in the next phase of this dilemma. I originally posted about my mom’s obsession regarding feeding her food to her dog, Angel, how that obsession makes him sick enough to require vet visits and medication and how we are trying to work with MC staff for a workable care plan that addresses her obsession and keeps Angel safe. We had 2 good weeks of staff being able to keep Angel near her in his stroller while she ate but far enough away so she couldn’t give him her food, but yesterday when I visited, a care staff let me know that she was told by the morning staff that someone in that shift allowed her to feed him most of her meal and did nothing to stop her. Today I am just waiting for the call from her facility letting me know Angel is sick and needs to be taken to the vet. I already have an agreement with my sisters that if he gets sick again, even though it will devastate our mom to separate from him, it will be time to find him a new, safe home. Since I and my out of state sister were the ones who fought the other two local sisters on keeping mom and Angel together to help ease her transition into MC, Angel’s care falls solely on me. I will be the one to pry him away from her to take him to the vet, the one who has to break the news to her whichever fiblet I chose to let her know why he can’t come back, and the one that will need to decide what is best for Angel and where he should go. I would love to have help from my sisters, but the last time he got sick they completely left it up to me and I was left alone crying in my car in the vet parking lot frantically trying to decide what to do next. Because I have advance notice that he’s probably going to get sick soon, and history has proven he’s no longer safe where he is, I need to come up with a plan so I’m not left wondering where to take him after the inevitable vet visit. And even If I don’t get that call today, I know it’s coming soon and I need to be prepared for the next step that I’m already dreading. Ideally I would love it if I knew a family member or friend that could be Angels next home or even foster home while we find something else. Sadly that is not the case. None of my sisters or their kids are willing to take him and I, being the one not only closest in proximity to our mom but also the only one that has been visiting her daily because I seem to be a calming effect on her so she is more cooperative with staff, I just know with my own dog, with my business I run independently and for my remaining sanity, I just can’t take on another dog in my house, so I’m not an option either. I spent hours last night looking online and calling local animal rescues but most of them don’t take animals surrendered by owners because they have so many they are trying to save from kill shelters and the ones that do told me they have a 2 week or longer wait list typically. I won’t take him to a humane society and have to always wonder what happened to him, and I’m worried he’s going to be a hard dog to re-home for several reasons. He is 10 years old and very unhealthily attached to my mom. It causes him severe anxiety to be away from her. He is prone to colitis attacks, probably from the years of mom feeding him whatever, unchecked for years when she was still living in her own, and my oldest sister has gotten him hooked on a daily diet of hamburger and rice she makes for him weekly. I’m not sure if his digestive system will ever let him transfer safely to an easier diet and I doubt we will find a home willing to make his food forever. He also has dental disease which I am ashamed to say we haven’t been able to keep up on since mom got so far into her dementia. Her agitation level is a tough balancing act and trying to keep her stable and allow her to stay in her MCF makes us have to decide which mountains are worth climbing and sadly prying Angel for her for a day of sedation and dental cleaning and likely extractions is just not one of those mountains. I have a friend that strongly feels that re-homing him will be nearly impossible due to his age, health conditions, and dietary restrictions, and even if we can find a good home it might be too traumatic for Angel to ever bond with a new owner, so she recommends euthanasia. I really don’t know what the best solution is, and I know I need to come up with a plan soon. Any helpful suggestions are greatly appreciated as I sit here crying with my heart broken knowing what I am going to have to do soon.

M1

Shan im sorry for the situation but it feels inevitable. Maybe the vet will have some advice for you. My older granddaughter was nearly killed by the family dog when she was a baby and we had to put him down, so I do have some sympathy for the situation. This sounds similar. Impossible to rehome a dog that had hurt a baby. It reverberates in our family dynamics to this day. The good news is that she is scarred on her face but otherwise fine. Today is her seventh birthday.

Marta

Shan: can you ask the vet for medication for separation anxiety for Angel?

would he do better at your home on a proper diet, then place him from there?

my vet told me his chihuahua began acting like a puppy again after a dental cleaning- having to deal with a constant bacterial attack had depleted his energy.

I have to think that the bacteria in his mouth are seeding the digestive tract and contributing to colitis, even though stomach acid would ordinarily kill most bacteria.

Angel may be a new dog after dental cleanings, proper diet, probiotics (ask vet), and anti-anxiety medication.

I’m so sorry for your heartache.

mommyandme (m&m)

Again, so sorry! I’m thinking that blaming the vet for any separation between Angel and your mom may help. “The vet said Angel can’t come back now because she’s continually sick”, “Angel is still at the vet”, etc…

I’m also thinking that Angels quality of life will be compromised regardless of where she lands, unless possibly with you? Your boundaries are clear and you should stay true to you. I appreciate pets immensely and I’m not a throw away pet person. I have two foster dog fails I’d rather not have but can’t let them go to an unknown. But, unfortunately euthanasia came to my mind in regards to Angel too.

this is so hard!

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HollyBerry

What state do you live in? There is a rescue here in Southern Wisconsin that takes dogs just like Angel, places then with fosters, gets their vet work done, and finds homes for them. That said, I think they would be more likely to consider taking him if you got his vet work done first and maybe also got him started on anti anxiety meds. We have a wonderful, quirky Chiweenie that we adopted from them and they are in our wills to place any dogs we may have if we need them to (with generous donations included). Albert's Dog Lounge, Whitewater, WI.

Shan

Thank you all for your support and helpful advice. M1 I’m so sorry for the trauma your family experienced and am glad your granddaughter is doing well. What a scary time that must have been. Marta, I agree getting Angel’s dental care done, trying anxiety meds to help with his separation, and hopefully being able to transition him onto a more complete diet once he’s no longer getting fed foods he shouldn’t be eating, I’m hopeful he can be a candidate for another home. I want so badly to be able to be that home for him, as he knows and trusts me, but I know I am already stretched too thin with the stress of my mom, and trying to find the time to still be a mom to my own family and keep my business afloat. But if need be, I think I could take him temporarily until his health is better and he can be re-homed. M & M, yes, I will be using your idea that the vet says he needs care and can’t return yet. I even have an aunt, my moms sister, who offered to be the “bad guy” who has to take Angel to the vet to spare me since I am still quite important in my moms care. Victoria, I like your idea of getting her a stuffed dog to keep her company while Angel is gone. I’m hopeful it will help ease her separation anxiety. HollyBerry, I live in Minnesota, and whitewater wouldn’t be too far if they would take Angel even with his health issues. I was recently told about a rescue organization in Somerset called Coco’s Heart Dog Rescue. I’ve been in contact with them and they might be an option as well. I’m hopeful I can find a caring rescue that will work with us to get Angel healthy and into his next loving home. For now, I luckily don’t have to cross that bridge just yet. Angel hasn’t seemed to have any stomach issues after the unfortunate incident of a new staff member not knowing mom isn’t supposed to feed Angel her food. After it happened we requested a care conference to discuss how the care team can move forward making sure this doesn’t keep happening. For now we have a good meal time care plan in place to try. So we go back to one meal at a time, until we can’t anymore. At least I now have a plan in place for when I get that call that it’s time to come get Angel. Still very sad knowing it’s coming, but some relief knowing how to handle it. Thank you all so very much, again! You all are angels for taking the time to care and help. I feel blessed to have found this supportive group.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

So sorry to hear things aren't working as well as they could for your mom and little Angel. I know cats and dogs are different but we've managed to move our senior cat from our parents house to our apartment and then back to our parents house. The cat was around 16 when we moved back in and around 13 when we first moved out. We did some research on making the transition easier on her which seemed to pay off. I'm not as well versed on dog placement but perhaps there's resources online or from Angel's vet about moving dogs to a new home.

A senior pet with special healthcare needs is definitely a tough combo to balance with caregiving for someone with dementia. Our sweet cat had a very major health condition suddenly crop up around the same time our mom (pwd) got really sick and we lost a lot of sleep and free time trying to care for them both. Ultimately we had to make the hard decision to let the cat go, we just couldn't give her the quality life she needed, due to time and money and she was deteriorating fast. She was 19 and was spoiled the last few days we had her.

Good luck. My heart goes out to you. (Hugs)