Support for mother-in-law

jford06

Hello. I recently got married. My husband want to live with his 84 year mother temporarily and I agreed. After a month I began seeing signs of mental and physical decline. My husband needs help but I have no clue on how. Apart of me feels resentment and the other part wants to support him. When I tell him about his mom leaving food cooking or flammable items on stove or other things he gets mad at me. We’ve only been married 8 months. I need help. Thanks

Iris L.

She should not be using the stove at all. The next time, take out your phone snd take video. Alz.org has a good section on home safety. A lot of things will have to change in your household. Keep posting.

Shan

Your husband is probably frightened by the signed he sees in his mother, in denial, or both. Either way, your approach should come from the place of “I’m worried your mom will harm herself, our home, and us if we can’t be a team and figure out the best way to keep her safe.” If your approach is to just point out the things you see he may be fearful that you’re trying to find reasons she can’t stay with you and likely he sees there is something wrong too but doesn’t know what to do about it. I agree with taking videos to show him if he’s not around to see it happening, but safety proofing your home now is a must. Caring for a PWD in a home made for people with fully operating brains is far worse than when we had kids and babies. Babies are not full size humans that can reach and get into so many more things like a PWD can like microwaves, stoves, dishwashers, tools, poisonous items kept up high. Before we moved my mom to MC she was leaving items on the stove to the point of burning, putting dangerous items that shouldn’t go in the microwave, putting dish soap in the dishwasher which causes it to overflow, putting items in toilets causing it to overflow etc. Even when you have safety proofed your home they really do get to a point where they need 24/7 supervision. Maybe get some books on Alzheimer’s and dementia, if he won’t take the time to read them, you can pre-read and highlight parts that might help him understand what his mom is going through and what to expect. This disease is very difficult to go through with a LO and you both are going to need to educate yourselves and get help as needed. Keep posting here too. There are so many wonderful people here willing to share their experiences and expertise. They’ve already helped me through a lot with my mom and there will be many more times I’m going to need help here before my story with my mom comes to it’s inevitable conclusion. Sending hugs…this journey is not easy.

Arrowhead

Here are two books that I have and that I think can be helpful to you. You can find them on Amazon.