How Did Things Escalate So Bad So Fast

LanaJoy

A few days ago I posted my first post on this website asking for advice. I was thinking I might have to put my DH in MC because he was starting to become aggressive . It was just a passing thought in my mind. I didn't thing it was anything urgent. Everyone who responded was so kind and nonjudgmental and gave me such good advice.

It's only been 5 days since that post and things got a little worse every day since. It got so out of hand today that I had to call 911 this morning. I was happy that he was calm and seemed to be in good spirits this morning. We were even talking about going out to lunch. It all changed in an instant. Out of nowhere he flew into a rage. He put his face right up to mine and started screaming at me. When I tried to leave the room he grabbed me from behind in a tight bear hug and pushed me up against the wall. I have never been so afraid for my safety. I called 911 from my Applewatch

He has been taken to the emergency room and from there the doctor told be he would be transferred to a psych hospital.

Never in a million years would I ever have believed my DH would do that to me. We have been together for over 30 years and he never laid a hand on me. I am so sad as I write this. I feel as if I have lost him

I want to thank Loveskitties and Marta for your advice to call 911 and get him into a geri-psych hospital. As logical as it seems, I probably would not have thought to call 911 this morning if not for your advice

LanaJoy

UPDATE: DH just called me from the hospital. He has been there for about 5 hours. He has no memory of attacking me this morning and no memory of the sheriff and paramedics coming to the house. He pleaded with me to come pick him up from the hospital. He said over and over that he loved me and that he would never hurt me. It's so hard to not cave in and bring him home. Even though intellectually I know that it's best for him and best for my own safety to have him sent to the geri-psych hospital

M1

I'm so sorry, but you have done the right thing. The social workers at the hospital will help you. The likelihood is that you should not bring him home and try to care for him yourself. It can be done--Lady Texan did it a couple of years ago after a very violent episode--but the one thing you should NOT let them do is try to talk you into it against your better judgement. You need to keep saying, "I cannot care for him at home." Let them tell you what the options are. Be prepared for this to take several weeks to a month in the hospital, and now is when you go check out the possible facilities.

I had to do the same thing a year ago and my partner is now in memory care. she only made threats of violence--but didn't know who I was. And now she has absolutely no memory of that, at all, and it is pointless to remind her of it. It also went very fast here--I was in the process of vetting MC facilities and had just put her on a waiting list, and was trying to find help at home when all of a sudden the cat was out of the bag.

MN Chickadee

I know it's hard, but he isn't going to be stable after 5 hours. Stay strong and let them do the work of getting him stable and finding the right meds to make his care and quality of life better. This will take a number of days, likely weeks. This will give you time to rest and make a carefully thought out plan for next steps. Hang in there. No one should have to do this, I'm so sorry.

Marp

We went through this with my dad before he died, and the messages he left me from the geri-psych were so heartbreaking. I didn't answer the phone when he called because I knew he'd try to talk me into coming to get him.

Some great advice given here. I sincerely hope some of it is helpful.

Marta

Oh, Lanajoy - how awful for you both. SO glad you were prepared.

Do you have anyone there to lean on, to help you stay the course?