Should we stay longer?

Annen1014

My DH is part of a very distinguished family of Hungarian Jews. A cousin of his has written a history of the family from the 1700s to today and it is the subject of a museum exhibit in Budapest. The same cousin has arranged a family reunion and celebration at the museum in early September. We plan to attend.

This cousin and her husband will be in Hungary for just one week. I don't know how long I should plan for us to be there. I think it will take my husband more time to recover from jet lag and I want him to be able to enjoy the time with family. My husband still speaks Hungarian, but I am also not sure how well I can cope with him alone in Budapest when other family members go home.

Does anyone have experience with international travel with a person with early stage ALZ. My husband is 86, if that makes a difference.

M1

Hi Annen, what a nice thing for the entire family. i realize this suggestion will add to the cost considerably, but would it be possible to hire a traveling companion specifically and exclusively to help your husband? Preferably someone who also speaks Hungarian? It might be worth it. There have been numerous threads about travel, and it's a crapshoot, but far better to overprepare than underprepare, especially when going such a distance and with a language barrier. I hope it works out, good that you are starting early.

loveskitties

Any type of flight travel, with possible delays and connections is tough. One big issue is using the restrooms at the airports. Some now have a "family or companion" restroom which is large enough to accommodate 2 adults (assuming one needs assistance). An issue with regular restrooms is that some have 2 entrance/exits and it might be possible for your LO to go out the wrong way and get lost from you. You might also consider putting an air tag or other tracking device on your LO so it can assist you if you get separated.

Making contact with the TSA in all locations ahead of time can also help with arranging wheelchair and attendant to help get you thru the security process quicker.

You should also take copies of current medical records for your LO just in case.

While in the past you might have found it enjoyable to stay longer, it will be very difficult being alone with your LO. Having support is a necessity, as M1 recommended above.

I hope it all works well for you both.

Iris L.

My suggestion would be to arrive a week or so early in order to recover from jet lag. Then he can visit with the family during the reunion week, and leave at the same time.

harshedbuzz

There are others here who have traveled internationally with a souse with dementia. Some members report having successful happy trips and some who say the trip went well but they came home needing a vacation after spending the time in hyper-vigilant caregiver mode. Even among those who were happy to have done the trip, many say it's the last one of its kind.

You don't mention the stage in which your husband is currently, but IME removing a PWD from their usual setting and routine can result in a regression in skills. My parents split the year between homes in MD and FL. The last couple years they did this, dad was early and mid-stage I'd say despite not being diagnosed yet. He became increasing unable to assist in the trip and would have several days of adjusting to the new place. Unlike your trip, this annual migration was to a place with which he was familiar, without the stresses of international travel and time zone changes and yet there was an impact.

My friend who cared for her mom stopped traveling mid-stages with her mom because the change seemed to escalate mom into the behaviors of the next stage of dementia. There would be issues with wandering, fractured sleep, worsened memory and executive functioning, increased anxiety and incontinence that she'd never seen prior. Her mom did mostly recoup on the return home. Her husband managed the planning of the trips and the logistics of passports, tickets, luggage leaving her to focus entirely on mom which really helped but after a time they just stopped traveling as a family. TBH, the only reason she traveled at all in this time was because her sons were on the cusp of adulthood and she knew she'd have limited travel with them going forward-- like your situation there was purpose and a sense of urgency. At some point, she hired caregivers to stay with mom and made short trips without her. I would encourage you to bring someone to help you-- perhaps an adult child or good friend? A male companion could be useful for the bathroom situation and maybe even luggage.

The other piece, and this might not apply to your situation, is how your husband's mood around groups of people? Sometime in the middle stages my dad started to become very agitated around even small groups of people. He did really well at his own birthday dinner in July with 6 family members, but by mom's birthday in February he was agitated at a mom's birthday dinner again with only 6 people in total. We did Christmas at his house (only for my mom-- we knew he wasn't interested) with the same group of 6 and he was agitated, insulting and stormed out. If you do make the trip, you'll have to follow his lead and be very flexible about leaving a space quickly if things go sideways.

HB

Ed1937

There are a lot of "maybes" in taking the trip. Even if he's not incontinent now, it might be a good idea to bring at least a few changes of incontinence wear, just in case. Try to cover all possible bases as much as practical. I hope you both have an enjoyable trip. That sounds like an important get together.

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Battlebuddy

In my humble opinion, it will be difficult to navigate after your family leaves. Your husband is going to be drained from the flight and meeting with the relatives. People with dementia need routine to function well and he will be out of his routines . I think extending the trip could be problematic and you won’t have anyone to help you.

Having said that, my husband and I went to Ireland 6 months into diagnosis. The trip went really well but it was very early in his journey and our kids came with us so I had backup. We also had already purchased the tickets. About a year later we went to Chicago also with our kids. It was very unfamiliar to DH and effected his mood. I spent more time than I thought in the air bnb calming him down , while the kids explored the city. There were issues with the airport which have already been mentioned. After that any trip would be car rides to places he had been before.

JJ401

In the fall of 2021, I traveled with my husband from one side of the country to another. At the time he was still testing in the MCI range. As someone suggested use the TSA service for dementia. I didn't and I got randomly selected for extra screening. Fortunately, the TSA guy could see me watching my husband across the room, how confused my husband was getting, and ended the extra screening. You need to investigate what help will be available in the Hungarian airport at the end of your trip. Overseas airports have their own rules, which may be different.

Hotel rooms can be tricky. You don't want him wandering off in the middle of the night mistaking the door to the hall for the bathroom door. Perhaps one of those portable door locks would help.

I'd suggest going in a day or two early and coming home with everyone else. The day or two early would give him time to get over the jet lag. Coming home with the others avoids you having difficulties in the city without help.

Don't rely on his knowledge of Hungarian. You may find it disappears on the trip.

Consider taking someone with you. A male preferably. Someone who can walk your husband in and out of airport bathrooms. These may have multiple exits. Someone to watch your husband while you use the ladies. He may need help finding his way back to your table at restaurants too. If you don't have a companion, you will have to be within a few feet of him for the whole trip. Travel is disorienting. Do not expect his functioning to stay the same. Expect/ Plan for it to be worse.

Make sure you have medical coverage (Medicare generally does not cover out of the US.) You want it to include medical evacuation. You are going to research this in advance as many times it has to be purchased close to air ticket purchase for anything preexisting to be covered. Companies are very good at connecting accidents to preexisting conditions and denying coverage.