After Respite Care

frankay

First post but have been reading and learning for months and need advice. We've been muddling along for 61/2 years at home with DH in probably late Stage 6 ALZ and finally going to day care 2X/week. I want and need to go on a family vacation but lake cabin is 10 hr. drive and no direct flight away. Last year was very difficult and I said never again. I can leave DH in MC respite care for the week or so. They will walk him over to day care in the same building and take very good care of him I believe. Most of the current residents are in very late stages and many in hospice and was shocked when I saw how advanced many of them are. I've heard about the steep decline in the first few weeks of MC. My question is - will DH's decline be so sharp in that time that it will be harder to care for him after respite care? Should I just forget the vacation because it won't be worth the increased stress afterward. Has anybody had any experience with MC respite care.

Ed1937

My wife was in MC for 3 weeks when she passed on from unrelated causes. But I don't think she progressed at all from being there. Some people do, and others don't. I hope you find something that works for you.

Glad to see you're posting. Welcome.

Beachfan

frankay,

My DH was in placement for 17 months prior to his passing on April 21. I don’t think placement (or a respite stay had we tried one) had any impact on his progression. He was already late stage 6 when he entered placement. He was diagnosed MCI in May 2010 and progressed slowly but steadily during the 11 years he was at home. He continued a slow, steady progression while in MC until he had a sudden, sharp decline on a Monday morning and died on Friday evening. That being said, everyone reacts differently; it’s hard to predict. Personally, I think you should go on the family vacation; you deserve and need it. His Alz will progress whether you go or stay. Good luck!

frankay

Beachfan,

Thank you so much. You are right- DH's Alz will progress no matter what I do. We've been married 52 years and this has been so hard. Adult day care for the last 2 months has been good because it helps me to run errands and go to appts. but bad because I get a feel for normalcy and then the guilt sets in. I don't know how much longer he can be in day care because of his decline. I know it will get worse. I hate this disease.

Elshack

Frankay,

Here is another vote for you to go on vacation! YOU need a respite and I don't think putting your DH in respite memory care will cause a sudden dramatic change in him. I had to put my DH in MC last Aug after he broke his ankle and due to severe bathroom problems I could no longer take care of him. He was at stage 6 c according to hospice. Actually DH is doing better in MC! Yes, he is on Hospice but the aides in MC get him involved in activities and even though he is on pureed food I am glad he is not just sitting in his recliner staring at the tv.

Being a caretaker is exhausting and there is no medal for sacrificing your life and well being and mental and physical health so that you can be your DH's caretaker. I hope your vacation will help you even if temporarily to recharge your engines. Welcome here. This is a most helpful forum. Please consider going on vacation.