Spouse still working

Dutiful One

Anyone have a spouse who is still working? Mine is in a management/customer service role, and has always succeeded there. However, he's become increasingly agitated over challenging situations, frequently says things like "nobody understands" him, and often says people accuse him of lying. Everything that happens is always someone else's fault, and things would get better if only others would do their jobs right. But there are also people he really likes, and thinks the sun rises and sets on. He talks incessantly about work, the people and situations there, to the exclusion of everything else. It's all he talks about at home, and he'll talk on and on about some minor incident until I find myself wanting to scream, "I don't care!" I don't do that, of course, but keep on listening until the one-sided conversation finally plays itself out. If I ask a question or make a statement, he gets upset. I have to be attentive and agreeable. He's also been taking more time off, and his paychecks have been smaller.

Many of the issues he talks about are most likely legitimate; they became short-staffed during the pandemic and have not been able to regain enough staff, and the business has not recovered financially. However, if he's behaving on the job the way he is at home, I can guess that he's not easy to work with and the forgetfulness along with behavioral changes are likely taking a toll there. He's only a few years away from retirement. I've broached the subject of retiring early, or cutting back his hours, but he won't discuss it. He's mentioned getting another job, but it's more like an empty threat (similar to the other night at home, when he didn't like something I said, so he threatened to "leave and never come back").

I'm concerned he'll lose his job, and at the same time, I'm kind of hoping he does, although if that happened, it would devastate him and most likely cause a downturn in cognition. Sometimes I wish he'd just quit. Having him work does give me something of a break. I work full time (I can't talk to him about my work, incidentally) and our shifts are staggered by a few hours so I have some precious time to myself. On the other hand, I'm feeling so mentally worn down with the stress of his inability to cope with his job. On Tuesday he was in a full-on rage about something, and when I didn't respond the way he wanted me to, he turned his rage on me.

How do others with working spouses cope with this? Or am I alone in this?

storycrafter

You are not alone in this. Our family doctor referred my husband initially to a psychiatrist for acute help with his symptoms. Since it was going to take at least two weeks before he could get an appointment with the specialist, our family doctor prescribed medicine himself until we could get further help. Without the medication prescribed we would not have gotten through those early days without both of us losing our sanity. Good luck.

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Dutiful One

Thank you for your responses. It's nice to know I'm not alone but sorry others are in the same boat.

I read through the thread on filing for disability posted by Delores. It was definitely eye-opening. The information provided by hello goodbye was especially helpful.

I certainly have some preparation work ahead of me.