By Dio - Will this phase change?

Dio

DH is now in MC, but he still resists changing his soiled pants and gets really anxious when staff takes away his dirty clothes. What is this fear that has clawed into his veins? Yesterday, he told staff that I had visited (didn't happen) and that I said it's okay (didn't happen) for him to go home. Will he ever stop wanting to go home? I feel so defeated in that I can't even bring him a small slice of joy. But I suppose I should be grateful that he still participates in activities, takes his meds and has good appetite. And I should be glad that he's under professional care. I just can't shake this gnawing guilt or calm my own nerves. Sorry, just rambling...

M1

Dio, im so sorry and empathize completely. Sad to say it may not change. While my partner seems happier to see me and more accepting of my visits in her new MC, she still packs up her belongings on a daily basis (including taking the pictures off the walls), says she's leaving to go to texas, will not participate in activities unless i am there, and frequently will not come out of her room for meals. She cried today when i left. Some adapt, some dont. Knowing my partner none of this surprises me at all, but it's very hard to endure.

Ed1937

Dio, I'm sorry it has to be so darn hard. I know M1 has been having a terrible time with his wife accepting her new "home". But I think for the most part, people adapt much easier than his partner has. I wish I had a few magic words to make you feel better, but.............

Dio

Dear M1, I cried reading your post. When will salvation arrive for our LOs and us? I know that placement solves many issues but it certainly opens up many new ones. My left brain tells me I did the right thing, and then it spars with the right side. I'm such an emotional mess right now. He's only 62 and may have a long way to go, yet. Will our money run out, then what? What if he starts getting aggressive like last May? What if he gets evicted? Too many what-if's...I'm driving myself crazy.

Take a deep breath and hope for the best is all I can do. At least, I am safe, for now.

Dio

Dear Ed, thanks for your comforting words. After reading so many different experiences other caregivers have gone through, I've become a realist. Unicorns don't exist. The worst part is, my DH doesn't react the same as the common majority. Routine didn't work well for him. I tried to establish a schedule/routine, but he ended up getting more agitated and would say, "why are we doing this again? I've done this already, over and over and over...how many more times do I have to brush my teeth (for example)?" Tips to help him stay calm? His response was "why are you acting like this? This isn't you." After a while, I gave up on the tips and just had to roll with the punches until I couldn't take the "punches" any more, thus placement became imminent and inevitable. I hope in time I'll be able to conquer my fears and take back my life.