Moving mom to a new facilty cross country

AllisonD

Should I move my mom with Alz and primary progressive aphasia out of memory care from SC to be by me (daughter) in CA? She is in late stages.I had to admit her into memory care facilty when my Dad died 4 months ago. He was caring for her at home. I knew the toll of this would kill him. I would have moved her earlier but my dad was alive and he insisted on caring for her.He passed away a few months ago and it is just a heartbreaking situation. I have 2 care givers who see her on a daily basis because the facilty is lame even though it is “the best” & most expensive. I am fearful of her being in a olane to get her here as Im sure she would be acrid and extremely confused. Im not sure if it would be the best thing but we are so close and she would be by her grandchild. I hate being so far away. We moved to CA before she was diagnosed.

mommyandme (m&m)

Hi, and welcome to the forum, so sorry you find yourself here though. Lots of wise and supportive folks are here to help. Sometimes posting on the caregiving in general threads or caregiving for a parent gets more traffic, not for sure though.

First let me say, I’m so sorry that you lost your dad! Another casualty of this disgusting disease, heartbreaking!

My brother and I were long distance caregiving for about 2.5 years. My mom was in her home, it was very difficult to manage caregivers etc… He and I were traveling alternating months to check on her. He lives in CA. When she needed 24/7 in person care, it lasted 6 months until we finally moved her next door to me. So much better! She had most of her grandchildren here and all her great grandchildren. My brother and I met up at her house, packed up her home of 60 years and I flew with my mom and her two cats while the moving truck headed our way. She trusted me enough that it was easygoing for the most part. She was probably mid to late stage 5 then. We only traveled for about 2 hours by plane from AZ to CO. Then another hour drive to my city. My thought is, even with longer travel times, it’d be worth it to move her. There could be some bumps and decline that may bounce back to her baseline after she is settled in her new MC. Still worth it for you though, which will make it worth it for her, whether she knows it or not. Your life is important too. With her across the country you may not be able to live your best life with the worry and traveling. She likely won’t remember the trip for any significant length of time. I think you’ll be glad you did it. I’m so glad I had the time with my mom close by. It was definitely the right thing for all of us. Are you an only child or might you have some help on either end?

I remember someone on these boards hired a transport service to transfer her mom across country. It may be cost prohibitive for some, but she was glad she did it too. Not sure on your moms stage of dementia, which might dictate the route you take. Again, I’m so sorry you find yourself on this journey. Keep sharing and coming back.

towhee

I think this would depend on your particular situation. Do you have family that can check in on her in SC, could you get comparable care in CA, is she close to being on hospice, how much time realistically could you spend with her in CA. When a person with dementia is moved a distance it is usually so that they can get more care oversight and so that the POA does not have to travel so much. Usually moving works out better, but not always.

jfkoc

Having your mother close is a wonderful goal but first I would find placement for her. Without that the trip would be futile.

If you find a good facility then you can work on transportation. Lots of experience on that here.