I’m a mess

lisavet

It takes a lot out of me caring for 2 parents that I get worn out. I get short sometimes with my dog and my own family and although they understand it is not very nice of me. I do have to check myself and also try to have me time.

i do still find my time in the mornings to get my run in. Eat healthy and find time to laugh and forget for short periods.

we are all doing the best we can and I know in my heart I am doing everything I can

Hope65

I'm a complete mess as well -- sobbing heavily everyday. I struggle with leaving mom each day, too.

My dad suddenly died ( did not have dementia) last June, and soon after my mother began having medical probs. She was showing signs of dementia before that, but dad overcompensated for her, sparing his children the worry. His death exacerbated the her dementia. I haven't even grieved the loss of my dad, and am now involuntarily having to deal with the anticipatory loss of my mom, the most important person in the world to me. She will likely be transitioning to MC within the next month. The agony of anticipation and guilt and never-ending-ness is so heavy. No family to help support me to support her. Im.also POA & HCP on top of everything else in a in family with major dysfunction. Im scared that my life is gone.

Im thankful you posted your messiness because it prompted so many vulnerable others to share theirs. There are some good suggestions offered. Im in therapy already . For me, it will be finding the motivation to act & identify activities for me. Self care is so important and I feel like Ive lost my high functioning self, so this has to become one of my primary focuses. Need to find the oxygen mask. Hard and scary as hell for me and has to happen bc without me, mom has nobody and neither do I. The heartache and hardness is real.

Sending positivity your way. I will be returning to this safe place.

Im thankful for finding this thread today. Im.going to take a nap and then go see mom.

Mimi..W

Good morning all,

Lotte82, I know how you feel. I just missed a telecall with one of my Doctors for the third time in a row! In a row! I was kicking myself for forgetting again. Questioning what was wrong with me. That I'm an idiot. How selfish can I be in not being considerate of others time. On and on I went. I get that reading the challenges others are facing helps. It is confirmation that what we are feeling and the day to day challenges are real and not in our heads or a reflection of our character. It is not. There will be days when we need to purge and other days we can help others by just listening. You are helping me and I hope I am helping you.

solerdr makes some good points. It is hard. Everyday. At times just when it seems you are able to come up for a breath, you are pushed back down. But we need to TRY to be kind to ourselves at least 10 minutes a day. It is a start. Someday it might be an hour or even a day. Or other days just 10 minutes.

Funny: I started by walking. Doing pretty good until my big toe went head to head with a sidewalk. I lost. Broke my toe. Me with my husband: I don't know what is wrong with me. I've never been a klutz. Husband: Hate to tell you dear, but you always have been. Gotta love the ones that know all your secrets. lol I hope this made you laugh a bit. That was a minute or two for you and only you.

We are listening.

Mimi

Rhernandez66

> @lisavet said:
> Solerdr
>
> I can not leave him. He wants to walk me to the main door then i hug him and he cries. Its a never ending circle. It is so hard to leave him knowing he has nothing good to look forward to and the care he gets is just awful because he gets bad sundowners come around 5 oclock that he annoys the nurses and they have zero patience or compassion. Its a heartbreaking situation and there are zero good days anymore. There used to be but not anymore. I just feel lost

This is exactly how I feel…. 😔 my father is bedridden and I just placed him in a new facility. I have a hard time leaving him. It’s so much to get into but just know your not alone.

lisavet

Rhernandez66 It just takes such a toll on me. Walking away knowing I am all the happiness that he gets. I could cry now as I am typing this. It wont get easier either. I know this. He is my father. My buddy growing up. We are very close and my heart aches knowing this is his life. Then I care for my mother since she is now alone. It is hard. I am sorry for you as well.

Rhernandez66

I truly understand, I left the nursing home in tears today.

Hope65

I understand totally. I just hung up the phone with my mom, and have been sobbing deeply since. I am her person and she is my best friend. I am sorry for all of us, remembering what was and anticipating what's to come. It's the hardest, heaviest most overwhelming experience of my life. I hate this disease.

lisavet

Rhernandez66 I leave the nursing home every time crying. I am right there with you. Then I am sad all evening.