Angry no matter what we do

H1235

Mom lives with a family member but she still has her house. She is a hoarder and there is much that needs to be addressed at the house. She insists on going over to the house regularly. She is upset that we are going through her things, looks through trash (making sure we didn’t toss anything), demanding it’s her house and she should set priorities of improvements that need to be done, and every trip to the house she brings back a load to her bedroom. This is not working. The alternative is to lie and tell her we are not working on the house and make excuses to not bring her over. I’m afraid she is going to get mad, angry and upset if we don’t bring her over. I want her to be happy, or at least content but I just don’t see a solution. Her memory is not as big of a problem as her lack of understanding her limits and her inability to make rational decisions. Anger is also an issue. I would happily listen to the same story 3 time in an hour as we did with my mother in law compared to what we are going through.

Ed1937

It sounds like Mom's doctor needs to be aware of this. There are probably medications that can help with the anger, and make her a little more calm.

GemsWinner12

I'm sorry you are going through this situation with your mother. Unless you are all willing to keep transporting her to her house, and also all willing to help her transport heaps back to her room, I would suggest that you All Agree to fiblet to her when you do need to go to her house to clean up and make improvements. These white lies will only work if you all agree on the terms, and it may take you and others a while to agree and have some conversations concerning how to proceed with cleaning/clearing up her former residence while keeping her occupied with other activities and concerns. Can she help to organize her own room and pantry in which she now resides? Since it's springtime, maybe she can help with yardwork/gardening at her current home? I know it's very difficult to experience a role-reversal taking place.

It seems that you realize the current "plan" of carting her back and forth to her old residence and aiding her in transporting these items to the new residence/home is not working out very well. Perhaps you can plan an informal or formal family meeting to discuss your concerns and you and your loved ones can create a new plan of action. Best wishes to you and your loved ones going forward in life.