Refusal to walk into home

Tonowanda

MIL was moved out of town out of her home into a condo closer to 2 sons. Lately, Every time she is returned back to her condo from church, hairdresser or even a walk she refuses to go in and says that it is not her home. It can take 20 minutes to get her to walk in the door. She has 24 hour live in care Once inside she is agitated for hours. We are worried that we are going to loose the live in care. Any suggestions on how to deal with this behavior other than not taking her out any more

easy23

I have the same problem with my DH. The only thing that sometimes works it to take him out for a ride around the neighborhood and ask him for directions back to his house. We then go back to the house and hopefully he will go inside. His doctor recommended using a different door to enter; I haven't tried that yet.

It's very upsetting and frustrating.

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Marta

The desire to take your Mom out of the condo for experiences may have more to do with what your needs are, rather than hers. Your Mom needs structure, routine, as little fuss as possible. Period. Can you let go of the desire to give her these experiences? You’re asking too much of your Mom and of yourself. I know this comes from love - you’ll be loving her as much if you “downsize” experiences for her.

You are a loving daughter.

Emily 123

I agree with the others. Remember that dementia erases memories from the present backwards as it progresses. The disease affects the ability to store new information (creating a memory) and interpret information. Your mother is unable to recognise her new environment as her home. We all want to provide a 'quality of life' based on the assumption that it needs to be varied, but routine helps the person feel secure--new or varied experiences that require multiple steps to navigate are hard for them to manage.

MN Chickadee

I would quit taking her out for a while and see how that goes. A person with dementia does not need the experiences a normal person does. They need routine and "groundhogs day" every day. This is how memory care facilities are run, and a majority of residents don't do well with going out. My mother was in that phase for many months. She finally adjusted to the care home and then we could take her on walks and outings, but I wouldn't try it until she is better adjusted. If she doesn't have a patio or balcony for fresh air, perhaps leave only for walks for her health and forego any other outings for a while. These things they give up and changes in their lives are sad but often necessary. I would also not try to reason with her or convince her it's her home. If she says this isn't my home just say sure. Say it's your house and she is invited in for coffee, whatever it takes to dial down the anxiety and just get inside. You might need therapeutic fibs on this one.

CaliforniaGirl-1

Again and again, I run into the gap between the vision I have for the life I want my LO to have and what they need. And this is very common. I would like them to have experiences and activities . They need structure and support. Before they were in MC they were just overwhelmed by the large footprint and the number of choices in AL. I realized that the reason I was so upset by the advice to move my LO into MC was about that. Now that they are in MC, they have not noticed any of those differences. MC was actually what they needed.