Live-in care

Jeanne C.

Can anyone offer advice on having a live-in caregiver? My sister-in-law is encouraging me to hire someone for my DH. She hired one when my mother-in-law was in decline through some "gray market" channels. I'm concerned about having someone without training and insurance (not to mention having to deal with taxes and such). I will look into agency options, of course. I'm just getting started looking into this and am very interested in hearing about any experiences you've had with this and any advice you can give. Thanks.

harshedbuzz

@Jeanne C.

We never had live-in help. My neighbor had it for his wife who had MS for about 5 years and then later for his new MIL when he remarried after his first wife's death.

I don't know what you mean about a "gray market". Most agencies do not provide the sort of worker you need. An agency will supply people to fill 2-3 shifts 4-5 days a week with a few extras to cover weekends. You will pay at least $30/hr with surcharges for overnights and holidays. The HHA will get about 2/3 that rate, The agency will have done background checks, offer workman's comp, attempt to provide substitutes and manage payroll. Training will be spotty and many folks find it takes some time to land on a good fit. IME, the best HHAs are popular and hard to get initially as they'll be promised to those who have been with the agency longer.

Many people hire directly, do their own background check (your CELA's paralegal can do this), some do payroll as an employee, others as a contractor, talk to your insurance agent about liability coverage before doing this, you tax accountant can do their payroll. Care.com is one place to start, word of mouth can be great. Some people even troll obituaries looking for caregivers mentioned for their loyal service. My neighbor's wife found her own caregiver via a local MS support group. When one member died, she reached out to the HHA; when she died, her HHA was being courted by another gentleman in the area for his care. His second wife found her mom's caregiver on care.com. Initially this person was 8 hours during the day, but as his MIL's dementia worsened then woman transitioned to a more "live-in" status. Eventually, the caregiver tired of being away from her own home and family (her husband spent most nights with the wife and MIL) and planned to quit. They reached an agreement for the caregiver to move MIL to her home which seemed to work really well aside from the slightly longer drive for family to visit-- 15 minutes instead of 5.

HB

MN Chickadee

Some people do hire a round the clock caregiver but it isn't always legal. Often an immigrant who has limited work options and is willing to take on such work. I would imagine it's even harder now with the labor shortage. They often work like 6 days a week in exchange for pay and room and board kind of deal. Most states do not allow this, one is supposed to pay over time after 8 hours. I would consult your elder law attorney on what your state's rules are and any liabilities for you.

Usually home care is successful for a PWD when family or spouse is able to cover at least one of the three shifts in a day and only need to hire caregivers for part of the day. Unless money is no object, this tends to be how it works for most.

jfkoc

I made a lot of phone calls to friends. I also checked obits where mention is frequently of helping people is included.

I used and agency until we found exactly what we needed.

There are wonderful people out there but they usually stay with the person they are caring for until that person dies.

-J

Jeanne C.

Thanks. I have an appointment with our CELA next week to start longterm care planning. You all definitely helped me with my question list.

@harshedbuzz "gray market" is how my sister referred to finding an immigrant not through agency channels. I'm not really comfortable with this for many reasons, especially that it seems a little exploitive.

mommyandme (m&m)

We hired an agency and the caregivers came 8 hrs a day in two 4 hour shifts. Then mom needed 24/7 and we hired live in help since my brother and I both lived in different states than mom. We finally moved mom near me and I was her live in help. We still hired in daily help so I could get respite time which I desperately needed and took. Maybe daily hours could help you to start? We finally ended up with a good team and people I could call on when needed. I might suggest starting on a smaller scale instead of the immediate live-in.

I hope you find the respite time you need.

LicketyGlitz

We utilized both agency and p/t live in care through Mom's dementia journey. Here's a blog post I wrote about hiring our MotherMinder: https://www.stumpedtowndementia.com/post/dementia-damsels-in-distress, and some more details the blog doesn't cover...

• Agency provided caregivers did not work for our household as we couldn't vet them before they were in the home. As I too lived with Mom both she and I had a hard time with certain personalities. I also didn't like that they were paid such low wages for such a big job.
• When we found our private hire I used a payroll company because payroll taxes are really complicated. In the end we didn't really save money from the agency hourly rate, but we hired a woman we all loved, and paid her a living wage so she didn't have to pick up additional work.
• Homework Solutions was by far the best payroll company: https://www.homeworksolutions.com/. Care.com was good to. To save money I switched out of Homework Solutions to Sure Payroll and it was a nightmare. I went through another local payroll company until I landed at Care.com which we stayed with until Mom died.
• Check with the employment office in your state. In Oregon, if a live-in worked can count on 8 hours of sleep each night then the employer can deduct those hours from their total for the week. Before hiring our gal we let her know that unless Mom kept her up, we would not pay the 8 hours she could reasonably expect to sleep, not because we were trying to jack her, but because that's what we could afford. As her hourly was higher than all her previous caregiver work she was fine with that.

Shana, our MotherMinder, was so much support not just for my mom but for my sister and I too. My sister and I thought between the two of us we could do it all, but we got too worn down and needed additional help. I hope you find a great fit for your situation too.