Not Wearing Fall Alert Necklace

RLEweiss

My mom was upgraded from MCI to mild dementia a year ago by her neurologist, but won’t be evaluated again by a new neurologist until November (I hate her MA insurance!) so I am guessing based on her current symptoms that she’s probably at mid-stage dementia now. I say that because I’m guessing her being farther along the dementia spectrum is (maybe?) why she’s not understanding the need to wear the medical alert/fall device I got her. No matter how many times I or her caregiver explains to her why she needs to wear it, she still takes it off and puts it in a drawer, leaves it in her bathroom, on a random table, etc. We even tried shortening the necklace with knots so she couldn’t A) pull it over her head or B) unhook the magnetic clasp, but she somehow managed to find an Exacto knife in her house and used it to loosen the knots! Thank the Lord she didn’t cut herself with it.

All that to say, is there anyone out there who’s had a similar experience? Any advice?

I live 5 hours away and she still lives in her house with part-time caregiver support. Wearing the fall device is what lets me sleep at night and I’ve told her that too. But, as you know, her brain doesn’t keep information stored in it for long so the many conversations I’ve had, and her caregiver has had, with her about the importance of wearing the necklace don’t stick.

Thanks for sharing your experience with me!

P.S. I’m using my phone to type this and the text box won’t let me go up to the beginning of the post to reread/edit it so I hope this message makes sense!

M1

It does make sense; welcome to the forum. She's making it obvious that she's past the point of being left alone because she can't cooperate with measures you might take. Some here have used cameras for monitoring, that might be your only other "long distance" option, but it sounds like the time is nigh that she needs 24/7 supervision. Very hard to admit that, but that's what it sounds like. Cameras might buy you a little more time--but only if she won't unplug them or move them, which has also been known to happen.

It's always hard to get our heads around the fact that our LO's need more care than they've been getting; the changes are so gradual, and it's so tempting to want to maintain the status quo. But as many have said here, you have to plan for their worst day, not their best, and safety drives the decision-making. Sorry for your dilemmas but glad you found this supportive group.

terei

Frankly, even if she is wearing it, it is clear she does not have the cognitive ability to understand what it is for. I doubt she would make use of

it in an emergency anyway. If you do not want to have her supervised 24/7, it might be helpful to install cameras so you can check on her welfare

from where you are so you could send help if she needs it.

mommyandme (m&m)

Welcome to this place, though sorry too and I feel your pain. My mother’s fall device became moot also. She couldn’t remember and actually she fell once and it didn’t work anyway. The sales rep said 99% of falls would be detected, she’s the 1%. But I think it’s even a larger percentage that goes undetected. We soon installed cameras while trying to get 24/7 care set up. They were invaluable at the time and throughout our journey. In the beginning mom knew they were there but didn’t care. Only one in her bedroom was accessible and pretty sure she didn’t know what it was, not really. It was beside other electronics which she wouldn’t mess with. I was able to talk to her through them, which helped for a very limited time, until that freaked her out. It did help to talk to caregivers and when interviewing services/people long distance, even EMTs, among other things. I’m a huge advocate for these inexpensive jewels while wandering this road of hell we’re on. I still used cameras while I was her primary caregiver which also gave my brother a view of mom and things.

Doing care long distance is difficult, we finally moved mom out of state near me, because managing the 24/7 paid caregivers became too difficult. Your mom sound like she needs more hands on care. I hope you find the solution that works best.

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RLEweiss

Thank you all for the feedback! We do have cameras installed and smoke detectors that are monitored by a security company. Fortunately, as far as phone/internet and scammers, she now has no interest in the computer (but, even if she did, we made it not usable). Her cell phone she uses as her alarm and texts her friends with it, but I’ve been looking at a spam monitoring company to possibly bring on to help keep her safe. Because I have POA, I am in charge of all her financial affairs, too, so I pay close attention to her accounts online. I admit it’s not a perfect system, but even in a care home things can happen. I know some probably question my tactics. My mom has been fiercely independent her whole adult life and I’m doing my best to give her that dignity while trying to keep her safe.

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Quilting brings calm

@RLEweiss You mention that you hate your mom’s MA policy. Since you are her POA, look for an insurance agent specializing in Medicare. Most regular Medicare supplement companies ask medical questions if you apply later than 6 months after you are first eligible. The agent we used told us that our state has one insurance company that takes all Medicare applicants at any age without asking medical questions. The cost is higher but it gets you out of MA.