Putting your own oxygen mask first

Galatea · May 2023

I have my cervical spine surgery scheduled for Wednesday. My DH is spiraling with anxiety. I am expected to be in the hospital overnight for observation.

My brother will be with him Wednesday and Thursday for support. I wrote out two pages of notes and instructions for DH's care and schedule. DH is in early stage mixed dementia but it has just been a struggle with him and getting him to accept the surgery.

He begged me to cancel it or postpone. He is in tears about the one day of separation. My post op recovery plan is specific on my limitations and I do have family and friend support. I am just overwhelmed and tired.

How have you managed your health issues as a caregiver?

M1 · May 2023

I hope everything goes well tomorrow. Maybe best to just not try to explain any more, you may just have to leave like it's an early trip to the grocery store or some other minor errand. It's hard when they can't grasp it and can't remember what you tell them.

Ed1937 · May 2023

I'm sorry for your health concerns, and I hope everything goes better than expected.

harshedbuzz · May 2023

I wish you a successful and uncomplicated surgery.

It's great that you have family support, but I want to suggest that this would be an ideal time to introduce some professional caregivers as you could introduce them as "helping you" not him. This way he could get used to people in the home without feeling like you've hire him a babysitter.

HB

Denise1847 · May 2023

Good luck on your surgery. I went through this 2 years ago. I have a fusion and decompression. You MUST take care of yourself and get the surgery. Please be strong and know that he is in good care. Prayers for your speedy recovery.

Jeff86 · May 2023

I had cervical spine surgery (tri-level discechtomy and fusion) 2 1/2 years ago. My DW was already in stage 6 at the time.

this is not an insignificant surgery, and you may be pretty banged up afterward. Not a fast recovery and a lot of restrictions (no lifting anything more than 10 pounds, for instance) while you are healing. If it’s anterior surgery, you may have some swallowing challenges. And so on.

I hired aides for 24/7 care of my DW, for two weeks, while I recovered in a guest room. I’m glad I did.

take care of yourself. As you know, you can’t help your DH if you are unwell.