A Day in the Life

Lhuerta

A Day in the Life

“truck truck” We’ve moved his pickup truck to our daughter’s house. Out of sight, out of mind…. not so much.

“truck truck” He wants the truck so he can get compost for the garden. He can’t drive……but doesn’t know that.

“truck truck” He calls our daughter, asking for the truck. She tells him she’s working on a project, thanks Dad!

To distract him, I suggest he split some plants in the yard and pot them for a good friend of mine. He loves to give away plants. He spends a blissful day doing this. He’s forgotten about the truck.

“truck truck” Damn, all of the potted plants lined up in the driveway remind him that he needs his truck to deliver them.

I get my friend to pick them up and she brings him a bottle of rum (his fav, but he doesn’t know that it’s half water). He’s so happy.

“pots pots” Now he needs more pots for more plants.

“pots pots” Sweetie, she’s going to bring them back after she plants them in her yard.

“truck truck” To get more pots.

His language skills have really deteriorated, and his sentences are never more than two or three words. I know him well enough to usually understand what he’s trying to say. He’s been worried about his truck for months and we always distract him one way or another. But, this week, he has ramped up his demanding “TRUCK TRUCK” to every few minutes. He calls our daughter and her husband asking for his truck. Our daughter recently told him she needed some compost for her garden and could she use the truck and would dad help her load some up from the dump. He was pleased to do that, but at the dump, once the bed was full, he jumped into the driver’s seat and refused to get out. It was a good 2 ½ hours. I drove out there and between me, our daughter, and the supervisor at the dump, we were able to get him out of the truck and into my car, which our daughter drove him home in. We’ve told him that the truck broke down and is being worked on at the mechanics.

We have two other vehicles. His, which has been disconnected so it won’t start; and mine, which I use, so we keep the keys hidden. He regularly demands the keys, and I’m able to distract him but it consumes him…. like that damn truck.

I pulled the DMV logo and made an official-looking letter and envelope and mailed it to him. It said that his license had been suspended and he will have to make an appointment to take a written and driving test to get a new license.  We’ll see how that goes.

As I write this, he is in the yard, looking for pots. He’ll be in soon and asking me for his truck. 

And, so it goes.

Ed1937

We understand that. Giving up driving is probably the hardest thing they have to do.

Denise1847

God bless you. As hard as it is for him, you must be hearing "truck, truck" in your sleep. It sounds like you have a handle on it but it still is difficult to be in the thick of it all of the time.

Iris L.

The leader of the memory club that I attended told a PWD that the DMV tries "to trick" PWDs who are attempting to regain their license. I was shocked to hear him say this.

PookieBlue

Lhuerta,

Lhuerta,

   Here’s our truck, truck saga. 1984 Red Chevy Silverado hasn’t been driven in 10 years. Originally purchased to haul rugs in for his carpet cleaning business. It’s been sitting in our alleyway undriven for 10 years. Parked behind it is Dodge Ram carpet cleaning van and behind van is Drag Boat. I have been trying to get him to sell these things FOREVER it seems. Never happened. I think that the start of dementia must have been playing a part in the procrastination. 

    Last fall I had truck towed to mechanic to get it running so I could sell it. I had two potential buyers, and I have no idea what anything should be worth. DH holds on to everything. I avoided much discussion about the sell, but he was always hanging around. I finally sold it for probably less than half what it was worth. Unfortunately, I slipped up and forgot to fib about it. He was upset and told me he would just have to buy another truck, even though he hasn’t driven in past few years. He tells me he’s going to sell my pianos and everything else I own. Fast forward to next day. He doesn’t remember I sold the truck, but he says when we do decide to sell it, he wants to decide what we sell it for. The truck has been gone for a month and I think he forgot all about so if he does bring the subject up again, I will be sure to use a very exaggerated fiblet on the great price I sold it for. I told the fellow who bought the truck, he could haul off the van and the boat. He removed the cleaning truck while I took DH camping. He hasn’t noticed the truck and van are gone yet. I hope we can get the boat out of here without him noticing. Who knows what happens next.

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Unbreak4ble

I love a good anecdote with good responses.

”Truck truck” will always be endearing to me now.

”I’m going to sell your pianos!” will be something I will be telling people although they won’t understand why. Still, I like it a lot.

Very appropriate Simpsons reference!

Unbreak4ble

I forgot to say, when my wife was concerned about her drivers license, I acted like hers was lost and got her a state ID card. They look the same but I can use it for official business. I didn’t turn in the actual drivers license so she carried that until she lost interest in carrying a wallet and purse.

I bragged about how i loved chauffeuring her and her sisters and friends until she lost interest in wanting to drive.

mrahope

My DH continually talks about what a nuisance/pain it is not to drive, even 6 months (or so) into the experience. I can't help being sick to death of hearing these complaints and his blaming me for taking the car away and giving it to my son, despite the fact that my son asked permission and he gave it. He conveniently forgets this because I am a ready target, I think. This issue has been a thorn in my side for the longest time, but I'm getting a bit better at handling it. When he claims he's going to buy a new car, I just say, "OK, you go ahead and arrange that." He forgets so many other things, why not this?

PookieBlue

I thought my DH not driving was going to be a huge battle. One of his few loves and hobbies was driving and working on his sports cars. I worked in medical profession for 35 years and he retired from carpet cleaning when he was 62, which was 15 years ago. I retired almost five years ago when I was 66. He hadn’t driven his classic cars probably for a couple of years before I retired. His night vision was bad so I always drove in the evenings. 

     I took over all driving of our 40 foot motor home within a year of my retirement. Most of the time I just convinced him that I liked driving it and needed the experience. A couple of times he got very angry thinking I didn’t trust him to drive it. (I didn’t). The last time he drove solo was a trip in the Jeep that he took to Costco to get wine etc. I was in the shower when he left, and when I noticed him gone, I drove up to Costco to check on him, figuring that was where he’d gone. He was putting the groceries in the back of the Jeep. He didn’t see me. He did ok, but I was worried something bad would happen and I no longer wanted him to drive. Shortly before that last time, he was able to drive to Walgreens to get some Vicks Vapor Rub for me. I was too ill and it wasn’t far away. I was surprised he was actually able to complete that errand.

     He was able to follow me in the Jeep when I had to drop off the RV. However, once he missed the exit while supposedly following me and ended up across the river in Oregon. He didn’t have his phone, but luckily was able to get turned around back over the bridge to Washington. A couple of years ago, I was going to have him follow me again, but decided he needed a test run to the bank where I would try not to direct and just sit still next to him. He had trouble staying in his lane so I no longer allowed him behind the wheel since then. I got to the point I would just hitch up the Jeep to the RV and tow it so I would have transportation back home. 

     I believe he still thinks he drives because he lives in a time warp continuum. He thinks I love to do everything. I don’t. I just have no choice. He still offers to go to the store for me and I always tell him we have plenty of everything.