Brother came to live with me

Taters

I've recently had my brother with dementia come live with me. I knew he has dementia. He has such STRONG ANGER OUTBURSTS! I was totally taken off guard. I found this forum and hope to learn about his situation.

loveskitties

Hopefully you have all legal documents in order. If not you need to see elder care attorney has soon as possible so that you have the legal authority for his health and well being.

Hopefully you are also on HIPPA forms with his doctors, otherwise they will not share his information with you.

Sounds like a visit to his doctor is in order and perhaps doctor can prescribe meds which can even out his moods.

You also need to be prepared to call 911 if his anger becomes a danger to himself, you or others.

michiganpat

Please take care. My brother, who has late stage dementia, is currently sitting in jail. His behavior has been escalating recently and his wife had recently made the decision to have him placed somewhere. Meanwhile Friday evening he began hallucinating and tried to attack his stepdaughter with a knife. She made it into the bathroom and locked the door. He was pounding on the door, trying to get in. His wife, who recently had surgery, called 911. The police and ambulance arrived and he was arrested for domestic violence with a possible attempted murder charge pending once the prosecuting attorney reviews the case Tuesday. Never in a million years would he have done this in his right mind. She has had him on several meds but they only made him worse. The jail will not allow him any visitors and with it being a holiday weekend nothing will happen until Tuesday. We are in disbelief. The system is broken. He sits in jail with no help until the holiday is over. I have made several calls and no one is able to do anything until next week. Their behavior can change minute by minute so please be sure you are safe and reassess if living with you is the best course.

Ed1937

Taters, welcome to the forum, but sorry you need it. You will find a lot of support, understanding, and help here. People here have been through whatever you are going through at any given time, and they're willing to share their experiences. You will learn much more here than you will from the medical community.

Do you know what type of dementia he has? Some types are more prone to aggressiveness than others, and some shouldn't be given certain dementia medications because it can have negative effects. We will help you deal with it, so post whenever something concerns you.

He probably should see his doctor who specializes in dementia to see if he needs medication adjustments. Some medications have very good effects on different symptoms. If you have POA, or even if you don't, if he will allow you to accompany him to see the doctor, please do it. It is common for caregivers to write notes for the doctor to read before they see him. The notes should include all the concerns you have, and as much information as you can give them about your concerns for your brother. The note can be given to the desk attendant, and ask for the doctor to read it before seeing him. The more information you can give him, the better it will be.

As mentioned above, if you don't have the legal papers in place, that is something you need to get done ASAP. Many CELAs (certified elder law attorneys) will give you the initial visit free of charge, and that can be verified when you call for an appointment. You, or someone else, will need medical and financial POA at the very least.

eaglemom

Where was your brother living prior to living with you? Are his strong burst of anger because he is living with you? Usually anger is at the situation rather than him being angry at you. None-the-less it is still frightening when it is happening.

Is he on medications? And the bigger question, is he taking them properly? When was the last time he was seen by a neurologist? PCP? And as has been ask, is your name on his records such that you can ask questions, etc receive information about him. It is all overwhelming.

Lastly routine routine routine is how many with dementia function best. Your brother's routine has just changed. You need to get him in a routine. Are there any programs available for him to participate in? Support group, etc. many are zoom so he wouldn't have to be taken somewhere. If you will go to the column on the right - the last entry is Solutions Center. You might find some answers your looking for there.

eagle

Iris L.

Michiganpat, your brother needs to be tested for a uti or other medical instigating factor. He needs to be in a geriatric psychiatric ward for treatment. Does he have a lawyer who understands his situation? This happened to an emeritus member PWD, he was released to an assisted living facility.

Iris

michiganpat

Iris, his wife talked to a lawyer yesterday who will represent him. His wife was in the process of getting him placed but then this happened. Unfortunately with the holiday weekend nothing is happening. The jail refuses visitors and has told us nothing will happen until Tuesday. His wife has been told to call the prosecuting attorney Tuesday morning. I have made numerous calls to facilities and every one with a locked unit has a waiting list. The local ED has been holding a gentleman for 15 days waiting for a place to send him. It's beyond pathetic. His behavior has been escalating over the last few months so I doubt it's a UTI but anything is possible. He needs a medical evaluation but when I talked to the gal at the jail her words were "this is a jail not a hospital". No kidding! Some people make me cringe. Iris, thank you for your input. It is appreciated.

M1

so sorry for both of you-=michiganpat and taters. The jails have taken over the roll since most "mental hospitals" have closed. We need more psychiatric facilities than we have, short- and long-term. Taters, he needs medications to help the behaviors. Sometimes a good primary care will prescribe, but many times specialty help is also needed. Don't wait and this is why. Keep us posted, both of you.

Mint

So sorry for the pain each and every one of you are enduring.

eaglemom

Taters I can't imagine how you are feeling. Are you in the same vicinity as your SIL? Do you have a good relationship with her? Both of you seem united in getting your brother the help he needs. This process can be slow. I would encourage you both to take notes on whom you talk to and day, date & time.

Please keep us posted as to what happens tomorrow.

eagle