Lapse in Judgement

Tidd

My mom was diagnosed with focal unaware seizures presumably left temporal onset ..and I want know if lapses of judgement can be seizure related or if Alzheimers or dementia might be setting in.

My mom had a major lapse of judgement today. Today despite me warning her not to, she decided to open the door for a total stranger without questioning him.

My mom and I don't usually open the door for anyone unless they call themselves or other family members call and inform us of someone coming that they've sent.  

Around noon someone rang the doorbell three times, and I told my mother to ignore it because it isn't anyone we know as I've already checked.  

So she starts downstairs to the door. I'm telling her don't open the door, nor go to the window. She goes to the window and open the curtains wide, tapping on the window asking, "Yes?". 

The person responds that they're here to measure dimensions for her soon to be walk in tub.  

I heard him say that..but my mom didn't understand what he said. 

She unlocks the door and let him in.. without any questioning, asking for id, calling a family member to check. 

Thankfully he turned out to be authentic. 

I asked her why she did that after he had left, and she said that she didn't know. She realized that it was an lapse of judgement minutes after she let him in.

She's never done anything like that before.

Iris L.

The short answer to your question is Yes, regarding lapses of judgement or just plain forgetting. From now on, you will have to take steps to ensure your mom's safety, in ALL areas. This means she is a vulnerable adult and is at risk for being scammed or physically assaulted by ne'er do wells who might come to the door or be out in the street.

My own older cousin was mugged on his front doorstep after being followed home from the bank when he had withdrawn cash. He lost $1000 but fortunately was not terribly injured, even though he was at the top of a long flight of stairs.

Iris

Marta

Just curious how you knew that your mom didn’t understand that the guy was there to measure for the tub.

Tidd

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/173550#Comment_173550

Before she opened the door after I tried to stop her, she said he said something about a package or something...she wasn't even definitely sure of what he told her..but as soon as the unlocked the door, she invited him in.

She said afterwards she didnt understand why she opened the door.

I still question his authenticity.

It took him about an hour.

My mom and I were downstairs

He said it was his first day.

He didn't ask any questions before being told where the bathroom was.

He came downstairs after an hour and asked where the access panel was ..

He also came down and told us that we shouldn't use the bathroom for awhile (implying that he had used the restroom)..

A few seconds after he said that...he asked if he could use the restroom.

After he left..About 2 minutes later he came back asking for the number and email address of a contact person.

I was super relieved that he left..

Also my mom didn't remember someone with verified proof from an actual company 2 weeks prior came out to take the measurements and photos. She even asked her questions about the tub and her health.

My other family members were informed and chastised my mom (which alot of times I don't like) ..

Today I explained again about the dangers. She somewhat understood..

Although she kept saying that it was okay to go to the window and talk to them through it if we weren't going to answer the door.

I explained again how we shouldn't go to windows. That if someone persistently rings the bell and doesn't stop we need to call the police and/or family members. Do not go to the door, nor window.

Also when he was here, my mom kept saying loudly that other family members were outside getting ready to come in.. (which I understand that is to hopefully deter and scare him off) but she kept saying it, and changing the story. First it was family, then neighbors, then the lawn guy, then food delivery, etc...

I did get her to call a family member a little after he arrived.

I hope this won't happen again...if it does, she may have to go in a home, or maybe a bar on the door... something has to give.

I understand it's the disease and not her authentic self.

Marta

I do wonder why you let him in, and then left him unsupervised for an hour.

Tidd

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/173562#Comment_173562

I never let him in. My mother did.

I told her many times not to do that.

She didn't listen.

I couldn't stop her.

It was the disease that made her do this.

She wasn't thinking clearly during those moments.

The

I don't understand why you feel we would closely supervise and monitor anyone working

We stayed downstairs because the front door is there...in case of the need for a quick escape.

Even if he was authentic, we don't closely supervise anyone who's working.

No matter the worker,

We always stay downstairs by the front door.

No one can predict the behaviors and actions of anyone at any time.

At any time, anyone can change or show you "the real" them.

We do the best we all can, and hope for the best.

Tidd

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/173520#Comment_173520

I'm sorry about your cousin. How is he now?? Is he closely monitored and accompanied to places now?

Iris L.

Tidd, that happened a long time ago and my cousin has since passed away. He did not have dementia but like many older adults of his generation, he was very trusting and not believing that anything bad could happen to him in his own neighborhood.

My point was that you should not rely on your mom to ensure her own safety with strangers, since you already know her condition. Don't expect her to remember all of this in the future. In fact, I don't think she should be answering the door at all.

Iris

JudyMorrowMaloney

You could get one of those ring door bell cameras. You can see who is at the door and talk to him through the speaker and you don't even have to open the door unless it is someone you are expecting. I got one when my DH starting saying that people were outside our house throwing rocks at it and kept calling the cops. Of course he was delusional and hallucinating but it helped him feel less scared. Maybe if she can see and speak to the person outside she won't feel like she has to open the door