Still Haven't Given Up

FloydSnax

For those who have been following my story...I truly apologize for running away. My last post was about me giving up. I couldn't help my mother anymore. This was the 3rd time and the governor gave his reprieve at the last second. I wanted to come back and tell you all but I felt like the boy who cried wolf. She's gone, she's not. She's gone, she's not. Then one week turned to two...then three...and emotionally, I was a wreck. I haven't given up. I couldn't do it then and I still can't do it now.

The first time I gave up was just before Thanksgiving of last year and I said to myself that there is no way we're making it to Christmas. Definitely not to New Year's. And here we are in June. And believe it or not, it's gotten easier, I think. Dont know if it's the drugs, or just getting used to it all. Every ten days or so is a nightmare. But I can bare that. Listen to what just happened Sunday afternoon.

I'm watching television and Im rocked by the sound of glass smashing. Within a second Im in the living room and my mom is on the ground with glass everywhere! We have these three glass-top tables that together make a coffee table in front of the couch and two of them are destroyed. Glass everywhere... Not the greatest view to come upon.

The next 24 hours were surreal. I don't know what the hell is up with Kaiser. I'm sorry, but blunder after blunder. It's like, there's no one in charge? They don't share information or write things down. Im pretty sure it's like....2023? So we find out my mom broke 3 ribs after the first 5 hours pretty much unattended. Now, I'm fine with the amount of time because I know the second you head to the ER, it's an all-dayer. We checked in at 5 pm and found out about the ribs around 10ish. My 91-year-old mom moaning in pain. The doctor decides they want to keep her(us)overnight. We didn't get a room till just after 2 am. That's a long day.

Doctor tells me he's going to give her something for the pain but because she's so old, it has to be a low dosage, "Like 5mg." Whatever, thank you. Then his nurses return with Morphine! Saying she won't like it at first but after 10 minutes, she'll feel better. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow but my mom was beyond uncontrollable. From 2 to 6 am, 3 major episodes. I have never seen her like this. She had taken everything off of her and sat in bed naked. The little alarms beeping. When she gets out of bed, a major alarm pierces the ears.

Im pretty much in tears as the crew gets her all re-done and finally I'm proud of my mom's providers. But in the chaos of it all, I get a glimpse of what her life would be like in a facility. The interaction, the communication, the insanity of it all. It wasn't a pretty picture. Sun comes up and I make a run for it. My sister to be there shortly. My sister steps in for 5 minutes... and turns everything upside down.

Without talking to me or her primary physician, she decides(with the suggestion of some doctor there)to take my mom off of Pradaxa(a blood thinner). Her Primary and I have discussed this in great detail because my mom was coming off a Pulmonary Embolism and when the time came to ween her off of the blood thinner, I was against it because my mom did zero movement/exercise and I thought the clotting of blood would return and her doctor agreed if she really didn't move much. So, there's that. Then they come home and she mentions a pain pill prescribed for my 91-year-old mom...An opiate(Tramadol)!! Comes with the life-saving nasal spray which saves one from overdosing! And she doesn't even tell me. Thank god I read the paperwork that was just laying around.

All day yesterday, my mom was nodding... like a heroin user. I thought I was overworked before...I have to do everything for "broken ribs mom". Can you imagine the pain she must be in? Just getting up, breathing...And stupid me was relieved it was only her ribs and not the infamous "broken hip" which in most cases, is a death sentence within 6 months. Then my sister tells me the broken hip and broken ribs for seniors are basically the same. Which Ive never heard. But don't deny it.

So this has been an insane 2-day stretch that seems like a dream. On Memorial Day. I intended on a brief apology here and ended up on a nightmare rant. I hope the ribs and hip aren't the same. My dad broke his hip and passed 5 months afterward. This ride is never easy. There are periods of quiet and even rest with breathing...but it's horrible every day.

Battlebuddy

Hospital stays for Dementia patients are the worst. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have gone- you got to do what you got to do but it is a one way train to crazy town.

My husband was so bad in the hospital- hospital delirium they call it, that I had to bar the door with the couch. Of course there was nothing I could lock that he couldn’t open. People were speaking loudly to him like he was deaf. Oye vey.

I feel your pain. Get rid of all the glass including glasses to drink out of. China plates too. I’m sorry it’s so hard right now.

FloydSnax

Update:

The very next day. my mom was breathing erratically and holding her chest. After everything we've been through, she is NOT gonna have a heart attack right in front of me! I call the ambulance. Second ER in three days. Barely any sleep. They took her to a different hospital so by morning, Third ER. Get settled in there with a room shared with another patient, screaming in pain. We get a private room the following day, still barely any sleep. My mom(on the other hand)has been sleeping well with the amount of drugs three ERs have given her. This is her new diagnosis: 1. Broken ribs 2. Low Blood Oxegyn 3. Difficult breathing 4. Fluid in the Lungs and let's wrap all that up with some severe dementia/Althz.

This all started eight days ago when she fell and broke her ribs. I guess the 1st ER just treated it as an old lady falling and didn't check for fluid in her lungs. Which caused her breathing to be so labored. We're on day four of the draining of her lung. Which has helped her to breathe normally. But there's nothing till the fluids stop entering the lung. Hopefully, they take the tube out tomorrow. They keep pushing it back a day... every day. Which is fine with me. Her Blood Oxygen levels have returned to normal but that's with the hose in her nose. All these other things came up from her original falling.

I'm having a hospital bed sent here tomorrow so when she comes home she will be comfortable. Three days ago(Im not sure because all of these days from this latest episode blend together from three different hospitals in a week)I was a wreck in the hospital. I believed that this was it. Every story I've heard like this all ended the same. It was ugly. But I had changed my whole attitude and believe she will make it back home. Oh yeah and then there's that dementia thing going on. My mom impressed the heck out of me during all this. She can endure more pain than anyone I know. And most of it with a smile on her face. But it's gonna be a long road.

harshedbuzz

@FloydSnax

I am so sorry for what you and your dear mom are going through.

You said "Im pretty much in tears as the crew gets her all re-done and finally I'm proud of my mom's providers. But in the chaos of it all, I get a glimpse of what her life would be like in a facility. The interaction, the communication, the insanity of it all. It wasn't a pretty picture."

This is a false equivalency. An ER is not a MCF; they provide very different care models and tend to be staffed by individuals drawn to that kind of care.

The fluid buildup in her lungs could be the result of not breathing normally either because of pain or because of the medication to treat the pain. Aspiration could be in play because of the stage of dementia or the medication. The fluid probably wasn't present at the time of the initial X-rays. Fluid can build up quickly; I've had my mom in the ER for pneumonia and had an X-ray done at 8am come back clear and the one at 3pm show fluid.

I hope she has a successful transition to home care. Will they be sending her home on oxygen? A few times my mom has temporarily had O2 at home via nasal canula.

HB

mommyandme (m&m)

Wow! So much! Glad you came back.

I’m confused about the Tramadol, which I understand as a non addictive pain reliever that’s often given to opioid addicts. I’ve taken Tramadol once to see how it worked because of another LO of mine, absolutely hated it. Made me feel so uncomfortable. I’m not an addict so give me Vicodin or Percocet anytime.

I hope your mom finds comfort and peace soon, at home with you. Your battle continues and you’re worthy for the fight.

[Deleted User]

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FloydSnax

Harshed...It's been a few days and they're still draining her lung. Her breathing is back to normal and they tell me she doesn't need H20 at home. Though I think I'm still going to be asking for it. This morning the Lung Specialist says he'll be taking the tube out of her lung tomorrow. Though they've said the same thing every day. As much as I want her back home, I can wait this out. He says that there's always a little in the lungs anyway, but I don't want it to fill up. Keeps loading into this device on the ground. Wish it would stop already. Now I'm at home waiting for a hospital bed to be delivered and my moms alone at the hospital and I feel guilty as all hell. I remember when her dementia was the number one cause of concern...But you're totally right about my comparison of the ER staff to the staff at a facility. Kind of. I don't know what's coming next. Its already coming up on 5 pm and still no hospital bed. I knew when I had to repeat the address 6 times that there was going to be a delay. Gonna head back to the hospital. Been sleeping there so my mom doesn't get afraid as she says she does. I shouldn't feel guilty for being away since they are more qualified and can give better care there than here

mommyandme (m&m)

I hope your day is going alright, how’s your mom? Do you have hospice involved at home already? I thought you did but hmmmm.

FloydSnax

Hi M&M....good to hear from you. It's been a minute. About Tramadol...No way! It's an opioid. Maybe I overreacted to my mom of 90 years being given such a powerful pain drug but they gave it to her a couple(if not a few)times during her almost 2-week stay and... I don't know. The staff and Doctors(I assume)know more than I do so...I let the professionals do their work.

But today we brought my mom back home. I had a hospital bed and tanks and oxygen waiting for her. It's so weird that for so long, it's been her severe dementia the number one concern, but during all this, it was barely an issue. Barely discussed. I guess because there's nothing they can do about it.

She didn't notice the decorations I had put all over the front door or inside. But that's ok. She liked the cake I baked for this occasion. But I hope this doesn't make it super harder on me and it already has. She doesn't understand that the tubing in her nose is saving her. And already I've caught her trying to walk off with the tubing which can cause another fall. I can't keep an eye on her 24/7. I was so happy to get her home but is it going to bring the end closer? If she falls again...I don't know. Oh wait, I got an indoor security cam watching her 24/7.

After two weeks of sleeping in strange places(3 different ERs), witnessing very strange things(LAPD tazing this rowdy suspect at Hollywood Pres ER)and all the pain of her broken ribs(which must have healed cuz there are no grunting or painful sounds anymore)I see her home and comfy again and I have to ask..."Much better than the hospital, right?" She smiles and says, "What hospital?"

harshedbuzz

@FloydSnax said: About Tramadol...No way! It's an opioid. Maybe I overreacted to my mom of 90 years being given such a powerful pain drug but they gave it to her a couple(if not a few)times during her almost 2-week stay and... I don't know. The staff and Doctors(I assume)know more than I do so...I let the professionals do their work.

There was a thread specifically about Tramadol on the Spouse and Partners Board recently that might be of interest to you. M1, who is an internist with a partner with dementia, weighed in on it as a medication for PWD.

Tramadol and memory lane by Stewart — ALZConnected

I'm glad your mom is home and enjoyed her cake.

HB