What a journey and losing a father to ALZ.

Questions

I wrote this on May 12th before my dad's passing on the 31st. Little did I know he only had a couple of weeks left in this world. I was by his bedside when he took his last breath. I am super depressed and feel lost, I am also worried about my mom because she is in the same boat, but she feels "alone". I have so many emotions that I don't know what I am feeling sometimes.

This journey sucks because it is cruel, unforgiving, and ruthless. It is horrible and at the end of it all, it still hurts.

Would I do this journey all over again? YES, but there is so much I would do differently.

If anyone reading this is starting this journey, there is one advice I would give you.. Remember it isn't their fault and you need to take care of yourself and them. It is extremely hard, and you will be hurting but when it is over you can say you did everything you could do for them and have no regrets.

I was with my dad and was holding his hand when he took his last breath, and I can say I have no regrets.

If you have any advice on help cope with the pain of losing a parents, It would be greatly appreciated.

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My dad, my best friend was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s 8 years ago at age 60.

This has been a very hard struggle for me to see him go through this awful disease.

I have spent the past 8 years depressed, emotional and missing my dad every single day of every minute of my life.

I have a wife and 2 kids (3 year old girl and 1 year old boy) and I know them seeing me go through this can't be easy.

My mom is his primary caregiver (age 70) however I spend 7-8 hours a day on Facetime with him when I don't see him on the weekends.

It is so hard for me to be in 3 places at once, work, home and helping my mom with my dad and seeing my dad.

Since the beginning of his diagnosis, I had super high anxiety of him getting lost, hurt and scared.

I had to step up and take care of my parents, my mom’s depression and making sure my dad was happy.

I also had the responsibility of making sure their house was cared for, if something broke in the house I had to take care of it for find someone who could.

My mom tried to be “super women” but she was destroying her self in the process. I told my many times that I am loosing my dad, I don’t want to loose my mom.

I have no idea how my wife deals with all of this, but I am so Lucky to have her on my side.

My father is at the stage where he doesn't move, we need to spoon feed him to eat, and he only says the word " I love you".

Last week he was taken to the hospital and come to find out he a blood clot in his lungs, Pneumonia, issues swallowing and a long list of other items.

Yesterday, we had to put my dad in rehab and honestly killed me to leave, he was just lying on the bed looking at the ceiling with what it looked like pain in his eyes.

This so-called journey sucks because no matter what you do for someone with Alzheimer’s you can't make them better, you can't cure them.

I miss my father so much; I have tried everything in my power to make him better and happy. I believe I made him happy, but I didn't make him better and it is super hard to admit that, but I need to realize that I couldn't, nothing I would have done could cure this.

My father is truly a lost soul and I wish I could help him, but I can't.

I only can continue to be there for him like I have been. No one knows how much "fight" he has left but I just hope he isn't in a lot of pain.

Klako

So sorry for your loss and the journey you have been on. Thank you for you encouraging words about regret. So hard sometimes to not feel guilty! Prayers for each day to get a little easier. It sounds like you did all you could and did what you needed to for your dad.

harshedbuzz

I am sorry for your loss.

I don't have any hacks for coping except to be gentle with yourself and seek counseling if you're struggling.

HB

mommyandme (m&m)

So sorry for the loss of your dear father. Give yourself lots of time, lots of patience and just feel the feelings as they comes. You’ve got to go through it (the grief) to get through it.

We know we will eventually lose them completely, but when it’s sudden or from something unexpected, it’s harder still.

I’m going on 5 1/2 mos since I lost my mom, I’m beginning to be able to look back on good times and memories that don’t include disgusting dementia and it’s nice.

keep in touch.

Questions

My anxiety is super high. 

I miss my dad terribly

I want to call him, I want to give him a hug, I want to tell him I love you.