Talking to your LO

Klako

my Husband and I just visited my dad. He is blasting me for having little conversation with my dad when I am there with him. First of all, my dad and I have never had long conversations. We had a good relationship and all but not the dad you bear your souls with. He is aware and forgetful but not conversational and so it makes it hard. I am the only child so I go just about daily and skip one day a week. I just need to know what others do to engage in conversation or if others are like me and just feel like being there is enough. Do you just talk about the same things every visit since he won’t remember anyway? Many times he is watching TV so we just do that together. I don’t want to be an uncaring person I just struggle to even go sometimes let alone be positive and enthusiastic.

Peonie60

As our parents progress into dementia conversations become harder. For me, I have to remind myself that my mom is living in this very moment. She can’t have long conversations. We will take a walk and talk about what we see, whether it’s flowers outside or door decorations at her facility. Sometimes we look at old photos and I describe to her who those people are and what they’re doing. We also listen to music often. (She usually remembers lyrics to every song from her era.) She also enjoys looking at coffee table books. My mom doesn’t like tv but if that’s what your dad enjoys then that’s fine! Do what is comfortable for both of you.

Emily 123

If you're content and your dad's content, then do that. You see him pretty much every day and he has dementia. There's only so much he can process. It sounds like you have a comfortable relationship, and he must enjoy your company. Not sure why hubs feels you need to push him. Sometimes people think that the person with dementia needs to have lots of stimulation & engagement, but that just makes them work harder. My Mom tells me pretty much the same stuff everytime, we talk about family, the weather, just little stuff. At this point she just seems to like to sit & occasionally talk.

harshedbuzz

@Klako

You are wise to meet your dad where he is now.

Even if he had been someone who enjoyed chewing the fat, conversation can be challenging for PWD-- there are the obvious short term memory issues, often issues with word-finding and even a loss of auditory processing. Sometimes it's best to just be present with them.

I always brought my dad some kind of treat to eat-- a milk shake, soft pretzel, donuts. With my MIL, we spent a lot of time massaging lotion into her dry hands and arms without a word.

HB

CarolynATL

I hear you. My dad was never conversational. But as his dementia progressed, responding or asking questions became very frustrating and embarrasing for him because he couldn't find or remember the words. He especially withdrew from his friends in MC. So now I just talk, show pictures. He'll react by smiling and once in a while get some sounds out - I'll respond as if I understand. I often take ice cream because it's his favorite and we can spend time without pressure on him to talk.

Best wishes to you and your dad.